Return to Middle Earth
by Kayo
Summary: Sequel to ‘Welcome to My World’ – Fangirl’s boyfriend now finds himself in a strange world, where men with long hair are as common as pictures of Legolas on the net. New love interests, new pranks, new people, and one amnesic realm. Complete!
1. Eight Legged Freaks

Alright! This is the sequel to **Welcome to My World, so some things might not make any sense to you if you haven't read that…you might want to! ^_^ Enjoy!**

Denotes Sindarin

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter I: Eight Legged Freaks

A bird was chirping. Chirping, chirping, chirping away as the sun barely managed to stream through the thick canopy of the trees. Chirp, chirp, chirp. Oh the chirping. It was driving Shawn freaking MAD! Couldn't that bird just combust and die, leaving the world in peace?! It could do everyone a favor and break its own beak off and beat itself with it. It didn't help that Shawn was lying in a puddle of mud with dirty leaves…wait, mud? Where did that come from? _Huh? Oh, if I open my eyes, that might help._

Shawn's eye lids slowly widened. What he saw wasn't what he was expecting. Well, for one, he wasn't expecting to be lying on the side of his face, successfully getting mud in his ear, along with the rest of his clothes soaked through with grime. But to wake up in a forest was a somewhat new experience for Shawn. _When I last checked, I was standing near a big green field…_

He slowly stood up, a wave on nausea spread over him, forcing him to lean against a tree nearby. His muscles were aching for some forsaken reason; he could only guess why. What had happened to him? Where was he? Why couldn't he remember anything? And why was his shoe gone? He knew something was wrong with this picture. It wasn't everyday that you wake up in a forest with amnesia. Wait, did he have amnesia? _If I had amnesia, then I wouldn't think that I had amnesia because I wouldn't be able to remember why I WOULD have amnesia so what's the deal?!? Shawn felt like beating his own head with that damn bird's beak. Maybe that would jog his memory._

He looked down at his clothes. Maybe he had been wounded? Did he even live in the forest and had perhaps fallen out of the tree? His clothes had no sign of blood or tears, though they were still covered in mud. Did someone steal his poor defenseless shoe? He sighed and closed his eyes again, trying to focus. The last memory he had was a green field. What was in that field? And why did he feel like there was some kind of major importance to it? Shaking his head, he decided it might be better if he went for a walk.

Though it didn't matter which direction he went, since there was no set path, he decided to head towards the West, since the sun just happened to be rising and he didn't want it in his eyes. As he turned, something bright caught his eye. He looked over at a disheveled bush. Something was under it, he could tell. He scuttled over, crunching the forest floor as he went. Hopefully it wasn't some rabid animal he had spotted. Reaching into the bush, he discovered what it had been: a bright pink bag.

Pink. That was an annoying color. But why? He brushed the leaves off of it, revealing a cluster of pins. They were arranged to make a name, and Shawn read it aloud. "Chloe."

And then it hit him.

Chloe. Nina. Jared. Megan. Edison. Elidh. Sauron. Tolkien. Legolas. _Legolas! He was in Middle Earth! He had been transported with Legolas to Middle Earth when the wind had become so strong and had blown him over the fence, along with Chloe's bag! It all made sense now! _Phew! Glad that's over. Wait…this just makes other problems!__

On one hand, he was in Middle Earth. On the other, he was away from the crazed fangirls. He weighed the situation. Maybe Middle Earth wasn't that bad after all. Plus, he had Chloe's "survival bag," packed with everything he could ever need if farther than a half mile from Chloe's house. Excellent. _I wonder, did Chloe ever mention there being an Elf whistle?_

~*~

At the same time as Shawn's misfortunate transportation, Legolas was having troubles of his own.

Curse you, filthy vines! If I ever free my hands, I'll hack you to pieces! Legolas struggled to free himself from a tangle of poison ivy vines. Even Elves were susceptible to the itchy toxin encased in the leaves. And just Legolas's luck that he found himself there. And as was the case with Shawn, Legolas didn't know WHY or HOW he got there.

His trusty Elven Blades of Doom remained on his back; his hands weren't able to reach the distance as the vines restrained. After struggling another ten or twenty so minutes, he finally hung his head in defeat. Did it matter after all? He was stuck in a bushel of poison ivy, sure to cause the worst rash imaginable, and he didn't have any idea why he was there! Such troubles Legolas found himself in. Maybe the horses that were approaching would help. Horses?

Legolas flung his head backwards to see down the path. His hair dangled to the ground, but he could care less at the moment. Though all the blood was rushing to his head, he could see a trio of horses were indeed heading in his direction. Who they were, Legolas couldn't tell. But perhaps they would release Legolas from his unfortunate prison.

Legolas gasped as he realized who rode at the front of the line.

~*~

"Curse you! Damn rocks!" shouted Shawn as his foot succumbed to yet another pointed rock hidden among the foliage. _I wonder if there's an extra shoe in here. He had been walking for hours, trying to figure out a way out of the forest or towards civilization. Whichever he happened to go by first. What was worse was he didn't even know what forest he was in. Was it Lothlorien? He doubted it. If it was, the trees wouldn't be so dark and gloomy. It could've been Fangorn. It was certainly scary enough to be so. Or it could be Mirkwood, the home of Legolas. Shawn thought as he rested against the back of a tree._

_Well, Legolas said he was transported here when he was looking for Merry and Pippin. So that would be he would've been closer to Fangorn, if I remember correctly._ He reached into the neon bag and pulled out the novel, looking at the maps in the beginning. _Right, that would pit me here…Of course, that is if I'm right. What other forests are there anyway??_ He started to count the patches of trees. _Oh great, there's a lot. _

"Well, better start walking." He chose to go north, based on the sun (and hoped to high heaven it was more night than day so he was going north). If he was in Fangorn, he would come out to the Field of Celebrant or the river that was near.

In another hour or two, the sun had lowered, causing the woods around Shawn to seem even darker than before. Little light was penetrating the canopy. _Well, at least now I know I am going north…_ It wasn't a good consolation. He was worried about what he would do at full dusk. Just camp out? That didn't seem likely. And to make it worse, he swore he kept hearing things snap. He tried to remind himself that he wasn't the only creature in the forest. But the others that kept popping up in his mind were far worse than squirrels and birds. Orcs lurked in the lands of Middle Earth, no matter where you were. It wasn't a comfortable thought.

As if read by thought, Shawn heard another twig snap to his right, shadowed by the trees. He jumped back, stepping on something sharp. Pain rang through his foot as he felt it pierce through. He quickly picked it off the ground and backed up to a tree. In the dim light, he could see a twig sticking out from the palm of his foot. Blood was spurting out as he gritted his teeth and pulled it out as fast as he could. A moan escaped his throat uncontrollably and he sank down onto the forest floor.

_THAT FREAKING HURTS!!!!!!_ He screamed in his mind. _Why the hell did something have to make me jump onto a freaking STICK!??! My luck sucks._ He reached into Chloe's bag o' survival. After feeling around, he took out a random pink bandana. _Pink. Everything is PINK with this girl._ He tied it around his foot very tight, hoping to stop the blood. Chloe wouldn't be wearing that again any time soon.

After setting his wound, he looked around for what had made the noise. If it was a squirrel, Shawn swore he was going to kill it and hang its body from a tree for spite against all squirrels. A hiss proved him wrong.

"Here, snakey snakey snakey…" He called out. Snakes hissed. Yep, only snakes. The only animal in the world that could hiss. Another snap and crack around him. He hobbled his way up against the tree again, leaving the bag wrapped over his shoulder. _I'm a man! I should be able to deal with this! Yet another hiss. This time from above and all around. Shawn looked up and saw eight glowing red eyes staring at his, legs scaling the tree down, and fangs dripping with who-knows-what. Shawn gasped and jumped away._

Another hiss his alerted his attention to his right. A gigantic spider, maybe three or four feet long, was crawling along the ground towards him. He realized he was surrounded. And then, he knew nothing more.

~*~

Shawn moaned as he once again found himself waking up somewhere other than his bed. He tried to open his eyes, but they were so heavy. He felt so hot. He couldn't move. What happened to him!? Using all his strength just to lift his eyelid, he managed to scan the area. Shawn realized why he couldn't move: he was in a web of some sort! _Oh please let this be a Spiderman fic and after the giant spider arrives, Spiderman will arrive just in time to save me!_

He saw several of the spiders advancing towards him. One crawled on top of him as Shawn tried to thrash about, only succeeding in moving his hand a little. The web was too sticky. A lump was caught in his throat as he noticed the huge stinger the spider was waving above him. He couldn't let any sound out as it plunged into his abdomen. Burning. Everything was burning.

_There are no heroes…_

tbc…

First off, big thanks to everyone who reviewed/read **Welcome to My World**. Your input was very much appreciated. Sorry this took so long to get up. I kinda forgot about it for a while, and I wanted to take a break from fanfiction. (Still sorta on the break, plus finals coming up, and I bought PS2, so gaming will commence.) ::sighs:: still have lots of updates that I have to read myself.

Feedback is much appreciated as I said, and thanks to everyone for your support!


	2. Didn't Know Middle Earth Had Angels

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter II: Didn't Know Middle Earth Had Angels

_There are no heroes…_Shawn thought as his vision blackened. His body began to fall into a deep sleep, beyond his control. He could barely feel his body being wrapped in a silk casing. He could barely feel the breath of the fangs about to pierce his throat. He could barely hear the hisses of pain the spiders made…hisses of pain?

The spider that had just been about to devour our young hero was now somewhere howling and shrieking. He heard other sounds, too. Whistles, something jumping, utter chaos around him. Lifting a heavy eyelid, he saw a flash of blond hair and a spurt of red coming from a spider. _Legolas…He thought. He had found Legolas. And he was hacking the spiders into pieces. How nice…wait…_

The blond haired face searched his barely lifted eyes. Shawn forced himself to not succumb to the poison or whatever was coursing through his veins. "Legolas," he mumbled. A confused look spread over the figure's face. Was he going delirious, or were there several Legolas' huddling around him? Shawn started not to care as he fell victim to the spider's venom.

~*~

"Silmaril!" Shouted Legolas as he had a clear view of the Elf leading the trio of horses was indeed his older sister. A she-Elf, beautiful as the night sky with liquid eyes that burned into your soul, in the customary forest-colored tunic of the Mirkwood royalty jumped off her horse and began a slow walk to Legolas.

"LEGOLAS!" She squealed and jogged to her brother when she heard him shout her name. Where have you been?!? You've been missing for months! Father has almost had a heart attack thinking you were eaten by a spider! Legolas laughed at this, picturing in his mind his father storming around the castle, no doubt exploding at any one who might get on his bad side. Why, may I ask, are you in a bramble of poison ivy?

You know what, Silmaril? I have no idea… Legolas tried to think back the past the last few hours…days…months…and nothing came to his mind. Where had he been? And why was he here in the first place?

In any case, started Silmaril as she unsheathed her own Elven Blades of Doom to cut the ivy without touching it, don't think you're getting any kind of hug from me with all those rashes you'll have. Legolas looked down at his hands and saw a red rash already forming.

After cutting a vital vine that was keeping Legolas stuck in the lovely ivy, Legolas felt his back hit the ground and his hands being released from their restraints. Pushing himself up and out of the bramble, he noticed the other two riders had dismounted and were joining the brother and sister. Both their mouths dropped when they saw Legolas brushing himself off.

Prince Legolas! One said, while the other stood mouth a-gap. The raven haired one which had spoken ran back to his horse, grabbing a particular bag and bringing it back to the Princess Silmaril. The other, another blond but with a long bow wrapped around his shoulder, forced himself out of his stupor.

My Prince! He practically bowed to the dirt. You are alive!

And quite itchy, added Legolas.

Yes, well that can be helped, said Silmaril, taking out a small vial of liquid and a couple leaves. She ordered the raven haired Elf to take care of the horses and the blonde to set up a somewhat comfortable resting spot for the moment. Though I must admit, the rash will just have to run its course until we get home. And that's about a couple hours away.

We're that close to the palace? Wondered Legolas out loud. He sister ordered him to sit as she started to apply a salve to his hands and face, the only places the vines happened to touch. She let him get his ears, knowing how sensitive they were. Legolas started to curse when he noticed the ivy had touched his eye, causing it to start to puff.

I'm sure father would love to see this, said Legoas and Silmaril laughed. Thranduil always worried about his children's welfare. If they had even a scratch on them after going out, even after a fall, he wouldn't allow them out until he was sure they were fully recovered. Then again, Legolas did have a knack for disobeying this restriction and sneaking out. Naughty prince.

Legolas, what on earth is in your hair? At first, Legolas thought there was a bug or something, and started shaking his head and flaying his hands to get it out. What he encountered was not an insect, however. It was some kind of string with objects coming out of it. He brought it into his vision and saw it was actually his hair braided with neon braids. On the bottom was a silver heart to hold the braid together. He would've remembered that. He _should've remembered that. No one touched his hair without his permission! A distant thought was about to resurface, but there was so much cloudiness to it that Silmaril's voice broke his concentration._

Hey, by chance, were you traveling with a human? She asked as she was putting the medicine back in the bag.

A human? A flash of uncertainty crossed his mind. I don't think so. But then again, I don't even remember where I've been.

Ah yes, our amnesic Legolas. I bet you took a hit to the head and wound up in that bush…Everything's in order? She asked.

Legolas blushed and stood up away from his sister. What an insinuator! His own sister! Just like someone else, but he couldn't remember who. YES! Everything's fine. Why did you ask anyway? Legolas tried to direct the conversation back to the rogue human.

Well, my party broke off into two groups because a couple of them spotted some spiders nesting nearby. One reported that they found a human, a very odd looking one at that, which had been attacked and almost eaten alive. He was in really bad shape, from what they told me, so they took him to the palace.

But what made me think maybe you were traveling with him was the fact he kept mumbling your name over and over again. Why would he say that? There must be a connection.

Legolas took this into consideration. Maybe this human knew something about why he couldn't remember where he had been for the last couple months, as Silmaril had said. Let's go home, said Legolas. I want to see this human. Think we can dodge father until then?

Not likely…

~*~

The arrival of the lost Prince caused much stir in the forest. Before Legolas could even request secrecy to his advent, word was brought to him to go directly to King Thranduil, no matter what condition he was in. Legolas had sighed. He wouldn't be seeing the mysterious human until after his father had dealt with him. Who knew how he was treating the wounded human anyway?

Do not worry, oh brother, she said sarcastically. I'll go watch after him. Besides, I want to get a look at this human.

~*~

A cool breeze made its way through a window and into the palace of Mirkwood. The open balcony allowed air to flow in and caress the body that lay in the highly elaborate wooden bed near the balcony. The sweet smell of the woods inched up Shawn's nose. The silk-like sheets hugged tightly to Shawn's barely clothed body. _It's so warm,_ though Shawn. He didn't want to get up ever again. This moment was too perfect. If only Nina were laying beside him would all his fantasies be fulfilled.

He felt something lifting the sheet off his skin, exposing his bare chest. A dull ache spread through his stomach and he groaned at the sudden flash of coldness and pain. _Leave me be! I was so comfy! Why would someone do that?!?_ He slowly opened his eyes to a wonderful sight.

A maiden, so beautiful that no one could ever compare to, stood above him. Her eyes were full of concern, such a deep shade of sapphire. Gold trusses of hair escaped her delicate ears and pooled around her angelic face. He could see a silver dress attached to the perfect shape of her body, but surprisingly, he only focused on her loving face.

"Angel," his raspy voice uttered. _Middle Earth just got a tad better._

~*~Meanwhile in the real world~*~

Jared, Chloe, and Nina sat in a dark movie theater, watching the greatest movie of all time, Return of the King. Jared, having used his awesome Istari powers, had been able to get them back row seats at the very first showing of the movie in Edison. The powers at be had most certainly blessed these three.

"Oh holy mother," muttered Chloe as Legolas came on screen. "How I wish to caress your body but one more time."

A chorus of SHHHs rang.

"Dude, Elves SO can not do that," commented Jared.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

"Does anyone care that Shawn is missing this?" mentioned Nina.

"Not really, he gets to be there, damn bastard…and he stole my bag…damn bastard."

"Haha, no one cares about Shawn."

"Shh," whispered Nina. "Legolas is on again."

"I bought a stand up Legolas. I hug him every night," squealed Chloe.

"Excuse me, people, you are being removed for disturbing the movie," said an usher who, with a couple buddies of his, grabbed the three out of the theater.

"NOOO! LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Nina and Chloe.

Outside the theater, standing in the cold, Jared mumbled, "What another fine mess caused by Shawn. I'm going to kill him if something else hasn't yet. I'll see you later girls."

Jared started walking away. "Where ya going?" shouted Chloe.

"Like I said, to kick Shawn's ass."

"In Middle Earth…"

"Yep."

"But I thought you read the books already," asked Nina.

"Ya, but I NEEDED to see the movie. And so, I bid you adue. M'ladies." He bowed and disappeared into the night.

"I thought he didn't have enough Istari magic power to get back?" questioned Chloe.

"Apparently, he's a lying bastard."

tbc…

(I noticed when I was searching ff.net that there are several stories already titled "Return to Middle Earth." Mistake on my part for lack of knowledge that there were fics titled this already. So, I'd like to say sorry to any of those who might know about that and think I stole the title, because it was unintentional.)

**Responses to Reviews:**

Nina: Yes, Legolas is a very lovely shade of red. ^_^ Only on his hands and face though. Spiders, the bane of my existence, and Shawn's too apparently.

lolly pop3: Wow, people were really excited to read this! YOU FLATTER ME! Lol, really! I think I updated pretty quickly. Go me!

Bex the Bold: You left me 2 reviews! Lol, clicked twice, eh? Ya, poison ivy sucks. Especially since it's in Legolas's eye. Heh heh, I'm evil.

Vaniwen Calenlas: Well…that wasn't Leggy who saved Shawn. ^_^ Twas Silmaril! Oh, I hoped people don't hate her!

WeasleyTwinsLover1112: Hahaha, I like Shawn the Damsel in Distress! He's so…pathetic! ^_^

Josh: Nope, third to review. And do not bug me 'bout being online. You're the one who never sees me nor is on when I am. So :P to you. And I have muses. They're called LEGOLAS in my bedroom muses. Three of 'em.

Froggy: I like your name! Hee hee. More excited fans! You make me so happy! Even though it's past midnight as I'm writing this and working on only six hours of sleep. Thank you Christmas vacation for saving me!

Das Blume: Ya…spell check is a good thing. Ya, amnesic people don't know they have amnesia. But Legolas just knows that he doesn't know anything…lol, does that make any sense? You can find pink bags at…hm…go to Hot Topic or a girly store. I have seen them around. Just gotta search. ^_^ Good luck!

Thanks for the wonderful reviews! Hope you liked the chapter! Leave some love!


	3. I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter III: I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

Legolas was deep in thought as he walked the magical halls of Mirkwood. The halls were neither magical, nor hall-y, but for the sake of being unable to grasp the shier beauty of the palace of Mirkwood, Legolas let all the beauty go unnoticed. After all, he had lived there for over two thousand years. Some things just stop stunning you by then.

In any case, Legolas kept thinking about the human that his sister said her party had found. He was so sure he had something to do with why he couldn't remember where he was for the last few months. And the eyes…she had said his eyes were strange. Was he a Haradrim? That could explain a couple things, like the memory loss. Haradrim were crafty people, but Silmaril would've recognized one and killed it on the spot. No, there was something else there.

Legolas found himself fiddling with the trinket that dangled off his braided hair. Neon thread? And the silver heart wasn't actually metal. Where did it come from? He rubbed his eye angrily from the poison ivy that just HAD to touch it.

While momentarily blind, Legolas didn't hear the soft pitter-patter of Elven feet slowly approaching from behind. Only when an arm was thrown around his waist and finding himself looking at the floor did he realize someone else was in the corridor. First thought: attacker!

He tried to elbow the person off his back when he was greeted with a, LEGOLAS! You're back! The weight shifted off him, and Legolas rolled over to see his best friend, and comrade, Thaniel sitting on the floor beside him. Tears were almost brimming in his eyes. Well, that was more than Silmaril had to offer when she found him!

Thaniel wrapped himself around Legolas. I thought you were dead! We had a ceremony! Legolas…I couldn't live knowing you were dead! Legolas was touched by his friend's emotion.

It's alright now, he pulled Thaniel's face to his level, I'm not dead, nor are you, so forget the pain you suffered. I'm here again. To some, this "intimacy" might be labeled as something more than it seems. But in truth, Legolas and Thaniel were like brothers. How this came to be is but another story, and shall be told at another time.

Where were you all that time? asked Thaniel as they both picked themselves off the floor.

I do not know, Legolas answered honestly. And I don't know how my father is going to react to that sort of answer! Thaniel gave out a laugh.

Not too well…nice rash…Fall into a poison ivy bush?

I guess in a manner of speaking. I don't know how I ended up there.

Before Thaniel could give his idea what had happened, which of course was along the same lines as Silmaril had thought, only more perverted like Jared's thoughts, another figure was running down the hall towards them. Legolas recognized the broad shoulders and the finely trimmed beard of the elder Elf. The royal circlet of Mirkwood lay upon his head in a manner of dignity and honor; the King of Mirkwood – aka, Legolas's dadoo.

What emotions were displayed on the king's face? Joy, anger, confusion – His son was back! And unscathed…sort of…Thranduil didn't care. He ran up to his son, almost like in one of those movies where the two people run towards each other and kiss. Only Legolas and his father didn't kiss. That would be considered incest. Rather, tears burst from the King's eyes as he bear hugged his youngest child.

It was a touching scene, both royals forgetting their positions and remaining what they truly were deep down; a father and a son reunited. Even if neither of them knew where Legolas had been over the span of several months. Thaniel began to shuffle on his feet.

My son! Where in Arda have you been?! Much to Legolas's dismay, it seemed his father wouldn't delay on his interrogation. Thranduil held tightly onto Legolas's shoulders, as if to make sure he would never leave him again.

Legolas took a deep breath in and said, To be truthful, I do not know. I have been trying to remember, but my last memory is of sneaking off that night I got a letter from…I mean… Legolas, a sneaky Elf, horrible liar.

Thranduil raised an eyebrow. This is all because you snuck off that night to meet a girl?!? And she held you captive and used you for these past months?!? No wonder you look so disheveled! Did she smack you in the eye? Legolas turned a brighter shade of red than was already on his face due to the poison ivy. Why did everyone think he had been kidnapped by a maiden?!?!

Very angrily, Legolas shouted, NO! I was not kidnapped by Lanfeir! She didn't want to do anything more than…… Legolas, terrible terrible liar. None should ever trust him with secrets. Thaniel attempted to hold back a chuckle and received a death glare from Legolas. Of the two, Legolas was stealthier, and perhaps better with his Blades of Doom. But it was Thaniel who was the better liar. I mean…Father, why did you hold a burial service for me? Time to shift the guilt onto the dadoo.

Thranduil held his composure, much to Legolas's disappointment. Legolas, you were gone so long. There was absolutely no sign of you. Last month, a search party found the skeleton of an Elf. What were we supposed to believe? Silmaril didn't buy it though. She was convinced you were still alive, just out of reach. That explained why Silmaril wasn't as ecstatic as Thaniel and his father – she knew he was alive somehow. Legolas, are you sure you remember nothing?

Yes, interrupted Thaniel, are you positive Lanfier didn't whisk you away into a deep cavern and chain you to the wall? Legolas felt his face growing hotter once again.

NO! And please stop insinuating that! He turned to his father. I must ask you something. What is being done to that human that Silmaril's party found in the forest? Is he well?

Thranduil looked a bit confused. Yes, he is healing. A spider tore a hole in his stomach, but the healers did a fine job stitching it together. He should be grateful for his luck. Why do you ask? Do you know him?

I am not sure. But, I feel that he has _something to do with why I cannot remember where I have been the past months._

Thaniel gave a smirk. So it was a GUY who stole you away!

WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!

~*~

Perhaps waking up in a strange bed wasn't as entirely as bad as Shawn once thought it was. Though having the most beautiful chick alive there to welcome you back to life could have had an effect on Shawn's thinking. _Wait, stop! Can't forget about Nina!_ Pause for consideration as the cheeks of his "angel" turned a slight shade of pink. Was that embarrassment? _Never mind. I love you._ Well, he tried to say it. All that came out was, "Wah woff ooo." That wasn't cool. He could say angel but he couldn't proclaim his love?

The Elf maiden girl angel gave him a sympathetic look before lifting a glass to his lips. Shawn didn't even care what it was. She was hand-drinking him! (He couldn't say hand-feeding him since you can't eat a drink.) He greedily swallowed what was in the cup…until he noticed how bitter and downright gross it was. _Take it away! Take it away!_ He flailed his arms about to knock her arm away, which he succeeded in. He also succeeded in making the rest of the liquid pour onto his dress. She bolted upright and gasped as her silver dress was stained with the red-crap.

Shawn sat up too, trying to apologize, but almost collapsed in pain when he felt his stomach move. However, the she-Elf was fretting over her dress in that beautiful language that Legolas spoke (as if Shawn knew the difference) so Shawn felt the need to get out of the bed.

When she saw him standing, she freaked even more. She pointed her finger at him, commanding him to do something, all the while looking at her dress, then she shouted toward the door. _What the hell?_ Was she calling the guards? _Wait! I'm not trying to do anything! I'm injured! A cripple! CRIPPLE!_

"I'm not going to hurt you – I swear!" He held his hands up to show he meant no harm. Too late. Three big Elven guardsmen (Shawn figured) with really long swords in hand charged into the room and saw the red-stained dress wearing Elf angel pointing at Shawn. _Hey, wait a minute! You heal me to kill me?!? Ahh! This isn't 'The Princess Bride!'_

He clutched his stomach and backed up to one of the ornate walls. He half-realized that he was bare-chested. He did what he thought any normal person in his predicament would do. "Legolas mellon nin! Legolas mellon nin! MELLON! Shawn equals mellon! Mellon to Legolas damnit!" The three Elves held their swords still pointed at Shawn, though they hadn't stabbed him yet. He saw that the woman had raised a hand to stop them. Did she control them or something?

She said something to them. He supposed along the lines of, "Back away from the deranged maniac human." But who really knew what Elves said? Before he knew what was happening, the woman had walked over to him and was standing right in front of him. The guards were slowly moving their way around him, and away from the door. She started to reach out towards him to do hell knows what. If he timed it just right…

Before she could take a step closer, he darted between her and one of the guards. He expected them to come after him, being a "deranged maniac human," and since they were Elves and therefore had really good sense, but they let him run out the door. Sort of. Angel Elf followed him out the doorway. He staggered down the corridor, clutching his side where the spider had pierced him. Blood was seeping through his bandages. That wasn't good. _She's going to make me drink that crap again! No way in hell, Elf-girl!_

See Shawn run. Shawn runs pathetically. Run, Shawn, run!

He heard people talking down the next hallway. Maybe they would save him from the mad woman who wanted to poison him or better yet, pretend he was a voodoo doll and poke him with lots of swords! He turned the corner and cried out,

"I will not be your personal voodoo doll!!!" and he proceeded to run smack dab into a hard body. He fell onto the marble floor, his elbow taking most of the impact. That would leave a really nasty bruise there. His stomach hurt like hell, but he managed to sit up and see who he ran into. Clear shock filled his face.

"Legolas! Oh thank you dear lord! There's a mad woman following me and she's trying to poison me with this evil drink and then her little guards came in and they were going to kill me but I got away and now she's chasing me and I think she's a witch and you gotta help me!!!...Legolas? What happened to your eye?" He noticed two other male Elves looking at him with bewilderment.

Legolas, do you know what he is saying? asked Thaniel, quite disturbed at the human who was profusely bleeding through his bandages.

Legolas lifted himself off the floor. That was the third time today he had been thrown to the ground. I…don't know…Maybe.

_Why is he talking to them?!? SAVE ME DAMN YOU!_ Shawn was kind of cold without a shirt on…Suddenly, he felt a hand smack the side of his face. His head whipped to the side, and the others were looking at who had hit the invalid. Silmaril stood in her stained dress, huffing at Shawn.

How _dare_ you spill that on me! Bloody human! And tearing open your stitches! They're going to get infected!

Shawn scuttled himself behind Legolas. When in doubt, hide behind an Elven Prince. "Legolas! It's the witch!"

"Who are you, and why are you calling my sister a witch??" Legolas asked suddenly, not even noticing he had switched tongues.

_Why me?_

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

Lindiel Eryn: Yay for sequels! Legolas will get his jolt, I can promise you that. But I can't promise what he'll remember ^_~ I'm still working on the details of the rest of the quest, hence why this isn't updated that quickly. I need to sit down and do some thinking, lol

lolly pop3: WAI~ I updated! It's midnight, but I did it! If I may quote Jack Sparrow, "Drinks all around!"

KatFay: I liked the first one better too. But that was because I had that all planned out. I knew practically everything that was going to happen in that one. The only thing I didn't get to have was I wanted Legolas to shovel snow. Something about Legolas shoveling snow is just so…sexy. =^_^= Thanks for reading it!! Reviews=sweet nectar of the fanfiction world!

Das Blume: Uhh, I hate when you write out a really long review and then you click it and it's GONE. Ya, I don't blame ya for not wanting to write it out again. -_- I rarely do, lol. Jared is like a mastermind behind the scenes. He KNOWS THE FUTURE. Well, not really. But if he did, that'd be cool. Hahaha, that's right, guys are guys; no matter how pretty, no matter how beautiful their eyes are, no matter how gorgeous their six packs are…never mind…

Nina: Yep, Jared, Nina, and Chloe get to sit around and watch Legolas fight and WEAR HIS CIRCLET! WAI~ Wow, you were almost thrown out? I think I'd DIE if I were ever thrown out of a Lord of the Rings movie. Especially during a heart-breaking scene or a scene with Legolas in it ^_^ I should've made Jared like, touch Nina or something. The thought never occurred to me though. Huh..

Froggy: No matter what you do to Legolas, he will always be hot. No matter how many battle wounds that will leave sexy scars. Shawn's going to do some major damage to the culture of Middle Earth. And it's going to be FUN! (Imagine Shawn cooking and you'll know what I mean.)

WeaslyTwinsLover1112: Yea, if anyone were glomped by Nina and Chloe, it would be a really good memory to be wiped from their minds. Well, seeing as how most of the readers out there in the fanfiction world, none of us will have to worry about being glomped by another girl…hopefully!

Vaniwen Calenlas: heehee, Silmaril and Shawn are going to have an interesting relationship. That is all I can say as of now.

A big thank you to everyone who reviewed, and especially to those who have put me on their favorite's list! I LOVE YOU ALL! Sorry for the lateness, but thanks to Lindiel Eryn for inspiring me to get off my lazy arse since I have a 4 day weekend. I've been too busy with finals and my PS2. But look forward to more updates in the coming week or two! (New semester=3 electives=only one honors class HOORAY!) Leave some love!


	4. Blind Game Again

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter IV: Blind Game Again

Shawn suddenly realized that he finally understood how it felt to have everyone around you speak another language, and only one crazy person understood you. Though in this case, instead of Chloe being the crazy person, it was Legolas since he didn't know who Shawn was. Though how could he not? Shawn had recovered from his little amnesiac ordeal when he saw Chloe's pink bag (which was somewhere…Shawn didn't know where it was right now). Why wasn't Legolas recognizing him?

After Shawn had hid behind Legolas when the pretty she-Elf showed up (which reminded Shawn of one time when his father said, "Real men don't hide behind men. They hide behind WOmen!" In that case, Legolas was pretty close…); the Elf with the beard had apparently ordered everyone to sit down in his big study to discuss Shawn's fate. Before doing so, a healer, Shawn assumed, came and cleaned up his stitches. Thankfully, he hadn't torn them open, just loosened them enough to be really painful. No one bothered to give him a shirt, the stupid Elves. The she-Elf, apparently Legolas's sister, was sitting across from Shawn, glaring at him. To think he once thought she was an angel. She was one of those girls – Elves – who looked very attractive (like Chloe) but when the time came to get to know them, there became EVIL. Pure spawn of Satan. There was no doubt about that in Shawn's mind.

Of course there was Legolas, sitting next to Shawn in a very velvet-like chair. They were very squishy. Very comfortable. Shawn would have to steal one before he went back home. Next to Legolas was some other Elf, Shawn didn't know who, but he kept smiling and chuckling whenever Legolas's sister would say something to Legolas (Shawn guessed she was making fun of Legolas or somewhere along those lines). Finally, the last person in the room (aside from a guard at the outside of the door) was a very noble looking Elf…okay, so all Elves looked noble, but this one had a crown! And a beard. _Well, if Aragorn can pull of stubble, why not the King of Mirkwood? It's all the rage these days. I half expect to stop shaving myself and copy the ways of the ranger…Pfft, that's funny._

Shawn sat relatively quiet during the conference, opposed to how he was yelling in the hallway only moments before. Legolas was doing the most talking, slipping between English and Sindarin without even noticing it. When Thaniel had pointed out that Legolas had spoken the "really odd-sounding" tongue, Legolas denied it at all costs.

Legolas! How can you know a language and yet deny the fact that you're speaking it in front of us all?! Thaniel half-shouted at Legolas.

"I don't know! I don't know any other languages other than Sindarin and the Common Tongue!" Thaniel pointed at him.

There! You did it again!!! I have no idea what you just said, you wool-headed idiot! Thranduil waved for Thaniel to be silent, and for Legolas to close his mouth before he said anything more.

I think everything dwindles down to this young man over here. He seems to understand you, Legolas, and you him. Ask him why he knows you, and perhaps that will jog your memory. Silmaril gave her father a look that said "why don't we beat it out of him" but Legolas asked anyway. It was the first time Shawn had actually been addressed and was anxious to make Legolas remember him.

"Dude! You know me! You were transported to Edison with a bunch of orcs and then Sauron and this other dude named Elidh-Feredir tried to kill you, but then Sauron got sent back to Middle Earth because Jared's an Istari magician man guy, then Megan was kidnapped and we rescued her, after I chopping off Elidh's head, then you learned English (which you're speaking now…). Jared figured out a way to send you home here to save Merry and Pippin. Oh, and you were nearly raped by Nina and Chloe every day." Deep breath for Shawn, mad blushing for Legolas.

I knew it! You were taken hostage and raped, weren't you?!? snickered Thaniel. Legolas tried to ignore him and looked back at Shawn, who was panting from that really long sentence.

"What's a Sauron?" Oh, that drove Shawn over the edge. _After I just summarized the whole freakin' time he was there, and he doesn't remember a thing?!? Oh I DON'T THINK SO! Before anyone could react, Shawn had stood up with the chair along with him. He held the chair's legs and put as much force as he could into the blow, aimed at Legolas's head. Legolas was on the ground as the other Elves in the room rushed to take Shawn down or check on Legolas. Thaniel had taken out a knife from his boot, and had pinned the young half-clothed invalid Filipino man on the floor. The guard had also come into the room, pointing a rather long spear at Shawn's neck. Silmaril and Thranduil rolled Legolas onto his back, checking for any head injuries and signs of life. Legolas wasn't physically hurt that bad. He had a black eye (which went quite well with the lovely shade of red from the poison ivy) and another bump on the side of his head. But what Thranduil was concerned about was that Legolas had been knocked unconscious._

Get the healer! And take that human back to his room, and put guards inside and outside! Get to it! He had Legolas in his arms, with Silmaril and the guards hurrying off to fulfill the King's orders. Thaniel and the other guard roughly picked Shawn off the floor by his arms.

"He needed a jolt! A JOLT!" His yells could be heard all down the hallways, even if no one understood. "Ever heard of human rights?! YOU PEOPLE SUCK!"

~*~

Legolas didn't know where he was. It was so cloudy. No, not cloudy; foggy. He felt as if he had been pushed over a cliff a thousand times. And he really had to pee. Why he suddenly thought that, know one would ever know. He looked down at his body, expecting to see himself possibly bloodied from a fall. But what he saw was near startling. First off, he had no body. Second, there was no floor. He could feel his hands and his legs and everything moving, but he couldn't see them. It was freaking him out. Not only that, but he didn't know what he was standing on, or if he was floating. Nothing was making sense. Neither was the pounding in his head.

Somehow, he ordered himself to walk/glide through the abyss that was him foggy mind. There were voices everywhere, maybe even his too. He couldn't tell. They were so distant compared to the one ahead of him. When was there another voice inside his mind? That was odd. It beckoned him to come closer. What else could Legolas do but go forth when he didn't even know where his legs were? The fog started to appear more reddish. Was it blood? Was he dying?

Suddenly, blistering flames were enveloping Legolas. He could feel the sweltering heat all over his body, even though he couldn't see it. The fire, though, was more than apparent. There was no way to block it when his arms were see-through. Yet he kept going forward. He felt himself burning from the inside out. The fog began to dissipate in the flames. Legolas could clearly see what was causing the heat now. An eye. A giant fiery eyeball. What in Arda was a giant eye doing in Legolas's head?

Before Legolas could even blink, he felt himself being flung away from the unblinking eyeball of fire. His body began to reappear, Legolas thanking Elbereth that at least something was going his way. He even realized he was standing on a hard surface. The fog began to stretch itself somehow, becoming objects and more colorful. He was standing on a hard wood floor. The walls were a sparkling pink with several large bookshelves storing hundreds of books. He noticed clothes, very brightly colored clothes, were littered about the floor. A sense of dread overcame him, though Legolas didn't know why. Stuffed animals were piled on the nearby bed, some creatures he had never seen before. Then he saw it. A giant poster of himself. Or was it a mirror? A magical mirror that took an exact copy of Legolas and mounted itself on the wall? It was really disturbing, being in a room surrounded by pictures of yourself.

The door suddenly opened, and a girl with bright pink hair walked in. Her hair was sopping wet, and she was clad in nothing but a yellow towel. Legolas and the girl started at each other for a moment. But only for a moment. In the next, the girl had screamed bloody murder and had nearly dropped her towel. Legolas put his arm in front of his eyes shouting, "I am sorry Chloe! I did not mean to see you like this!" Before Legolas realized he knew who the girl was, his eyes had shot open and were greeted by worried looks by his father and sister.

Shawn. His name is Shawn. And Chloe and Nina and Jared and Megan, everything he said… Legolas glanced around the room, noting that he couldn't see very well out of his left eye. And his whole body was itchy. Where is he? As an afterthought he added, Where am I?

Thranduil forced Legolas to lie back down. Don't worry about that right now. Get some rest. We'll sort this out in the morning. Legolas couldn't refuse when his eyes unnaturally closed and he drifted back into the world of dreams. Silmaril and the King watched Legolas.

He has certainly caused a lot of ruckus since his return. Her father nodded.

That he has, Sil, that he has.

~*~

"This is inhumane!" yelled Shawn as Thaniel knotted the last tie around Shawn's leg. The King ordered that the human not leave the room, and Thaniel felt it necessary to tie him down to the bed. That would keep him down, even if Thranduil had only said something about guards. Thaniel wondered how the human found a way to best Legolas. They were Elves! They should've sensed that the boy would do something. He was thrashing about the bed now, no doubt in excruciating pain from his stitches. Even through the bandages, Thaniel could see that this particular human was quite muscular, but not buff. He looked like he almost had an Elven frame, if not for the lack of pointy ears, and his eyes.

His eyes were the strangest thing Thaniel had ever seen. How did they get all, stretched, it seemed. The Haradrim didn't even look as different from other humans as this one did. Not only that, but he wore his hair relatively short for a man. Okay, so Elves liked long hair, but from the other humans Thaniel had encountered, all their hair was shoulder length or below. But this boy, not only was it pure black, it was only down to his chin. His chin!! Was that normal for humans? Then again, Thaniel hadn't been that far away from Mirkwood.

The boy noticed Thaniel staring at him, and shouted something at him. A threat? Perhaps. Maybe Thaniel could have some fun with this one. It was the least he could do to avenge Legolas to scare the living daylight out of the one who knocked him unconscious. He told the only other guard in the room to stand outside the closed door while he "interrogated" the prisoner.

He sat in a chair across from the bed and just stared at the human for about an hour. Staring and staring and staring. He could see little drops of sweat beading off his forehead. So the little human was scared, eh? Well he very well should be, if Thaniel had any thought in the matter. At first, Thaniel thought he would take his knife out again and hold it at the human's throat or added a couple scars to his body. After deciding that Silmaril would kill him, he vouched for staring at him. But now he was becoming entranced. And the bad thing was, Shawn could tell.

Shawn didn't know what the hell was going on. He just wanted the freaky Elf to stop looking at him. He didn't even shift in his seat! Shawn was getting uncomfortable just looking at him. At least the Elf hadn't cut off his circulation or used rope that dug into his skin. That would've sucked. His stomach was burning, and he was starting to get cold from being bare-chested.

Suddenly, the Elf stood up and walked over to wear Shawn was tied down to the bed. Shawn wished that the school had offered self-defense to guys. He was really really uncomfortable right now. _Back away from the prisoner. Do not touch. I should have that branded on myself. "Do not touch unless you are Nina or an incredibly hot girl." Don't want to give any of these Elves any ideas…they're all girls! He felt something touching his cheek and he saw Thaniel feeling his cheek. Oh that was it!!!!_

"What the F*** do you think you're doing, you sick freak?!? Don't touch me there! I'm reserved for Nina and Nina alone! When Legolas stops being stupid and remembers who I am, he's so going to skin your F***ing ass and hang it on the wall where…" Shawn was sadly cut off.

Thaniel was kissing him.

On the mouth.

And Shawn was bound hand and foot.

_This proves there are no heroes…_

_…_

_Or are there?_

Thaniel, why are you kissing Shawn? Legolas appeared at the door, bandage around his head, a black eye, pink/red skin, and in his bed clothes. Thaniel had immediately jumped up and was giving a nervous laugh to Legolas.

Heh heh, oh you're awake, Legolas… Legolas walked over to where Shawn was getting over the shock and untied him. Umm…did I mention you look splendid? Legolas let out an exasperated sigh.

"Shawn, are you okay? Shawn?" Thaniel looked over Legolas's shoulder.

Oops, he seems to have fainted. Was that his first kiss? Legolas glared at him.

First from a guy, yes. Thaniel beamed.

Nice! That makes six on record!

Thaniel, as the Prince of Mirkwood, you cannot touch Shawn. Ever.

Touchy…

~*~

Chloe ran out of her room, practically rolled down the stairs, screaming the whole way. Nina jumped up and her tea splashed all over her pants. Which left both the girls screaming madly; one clad in a towel, one ripping off her pants of steaming hot tea. They ran into each other in the middle of the living room and fell to the ground cartoon-style.

"Chloe, why are you screaming?" Nina muttered as she fanned off her thighs. "I freakin' spilt tea all over myself." Chloe bounced up and down on her knees.

"LEGOLAS WAS IN MY ROOM! And," she said with a smirk and a wink, "he saw me in my towel! I just keep scoring with this boy!!!"

Nina felt Chloe's head. Very hot. Well, that had been the reason she had come over. Chloe had gotten sick from being left outside the movie theater when they were kicked out. Nina had come over with some home made soup and to take care of her best friend while Chloe's parents were at work.

"You're still feverish after the shower. You must be hallucinating. Poor thing." She dragged Chloe back towards the stairs and up to her room.

"He was real, I tell you! REAL!!!"

"Ya, sure. And so is the Haldir living in your basement." Chloe pouted at her.

"Hey! That reminds me I have to feed him…"

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

Lolly: Legolas is adorable when he's confuzzled. ^_^ I have two Legolas posters, and the life-size Legolas of which I kissed on New Years, lol. Lanfeir, ah yes, we shall see her later on. ^_^ Lets just say Lanfeir and Legolas might've had…something…going on! Oh! You love Shawn! HOORAY! I've made an OC that people like! (But ya, Legolas is better!!)

Nina: I would never kill Shawn. Not physically. Mentally, though, he might be unstable for oh let's say, the rest of his life. ^_^ I wonder how people liked that scene…Hahaha, Jared to the rescue. Too bad Jared wants to kick Shawn's ass. But he might as well rescue him while he's at hit. Well, as of now, no one knows where Jared is, but I didn't really want to send Nina and Chloe to Middle Earth. They'll be having enough fun in our world ^_^

Lindiel Eryn: I'm whipping out these chapters! WOO! Lol, well, I've been in a writing mood lately, since I don't have my EVIL English teacher anymore. (She was the spawn of Satan, I swear!) I love when I don't post for a while then I get a random review telling me to update. I dunno, I always update after that, lol.

WeasleyTwinsLover1112: Eek, that sounds like a painful semester indeed. I have Chemistry, Chorus, Public Speaking, and Sci-fi/Fantasy. I love my schedule! ^_^ Legolas remembers, but Shawn kind of passed out before he could realize that Legolas knew his name. Well, no worries, mate, most everything will be cleared up next chapter.

Kitten: ^__^ I love reviews. I love you! I hope Legolas heals quickly. I hate all ugly-eyed Leggy-Lulu. Hahaha, I made Shawn faint. WHAT A GIRL!

Froggy: There will be plenty of Silmaril/Shawn moments, as well as some Thaniel/Shawn moments – only they won't be anything like the before. That was for pure humor and for a subplot. ^_^ Don't get me started on the hotness that is Jack Sparrow.

lolly pop3: If you nag enough, updates come! Or maybe an Elf gets his pointy ears? Every time a nagger nags, an Elf gets his pointy ear..ags…lol.

Das Blume: Rambling? In what sense? @.@ Forgive me, I'm stupid. If you mean that I was rambling throughout the chapter, I just wanted to make it appear longer than it actually was, lol. I do that subconsciously. That, and me and my pops are ramblers. Oh Shawn has a six-pack. And it's a sexy six-pack! I love Shawn, lol.

Okay, so I might've just treaded into deeper waters with that little scene between Thaniel and Shawn. I wonder how ya'll will react to it? ^_^;;; In any case, I doubt I'll be doing another scene like than again. So no worries to those who didn't like it. And to those who did like it (like myself, lol) well…umm…any ideas? Leave some love!


	5. Battle Royale

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter V: Battle Royale

"Shawn, can you hear me?"

Angelic voices were filling the ears of our young hero. That and something that smelt like a compost pile of salt. Shawn tried to bat away the grotesque aroma and blinked his eyes open. There before him were three golden haired Elven captors. While all looked very similar, the boy and girl were both blue-eyed, and Shawn registered them for Silmaril and Legolas. And then there was the green-eyed monster. No really, he was a green-eyed perverted monster who wanted to rape Shawn.

"WHOA! Get that _thing_ away from me!" Shawn nearly jumped out of the bed as Legolas shot a look for Thaniel to back away.

"Shawn, calm down, he is not like Chloe and Nina. Thaniel actually takes orders from a Prince." Shawn froze. _Wait…he remembers Chloe and Nina? __Does that mean his amnesia is gone?! _

Shawn sat up straight, minding his battered tummy. "You know who I am? And everyone else!?" Legolas shook his head up and down. "And Jared and Elidh??" Another nod. "And the fellowship and Merry and Pippin?!?" A beginning to a nod, then a thoughtful pout, ending with a no.

"A fellowship? What are you talking about? And who are Merry and Pippin? I remember a Megan, and that is close to Merry…But I do not know of what you speak."

_Bloody brilliant…but at least he knows who I am and I won't die now! Maybe if I show him a picture of someone from the fellowship! Yeah! That would work!_ Shawn looked around the room for Chloe's pink purse. That thing had a Frodo bookmark in it, if Shawn remembered correctly. That was the day when Legolas learned about the birds and the bees. Good times, good times. He asked Legolas if he had seen the bright pink bag. No, Legolas did not. Silmaril, however, was able to give an answer when Legolas asked the other two Elves.

I remember something of a pink nature in the forest when we discovered you. But we didn't have time to grab it since the area was infested with spiders. It was more important to get you to safety, Silmaril told Shawn (translated by Legolas.)

"Okay, so we need to go get it."

"Why?" asked Legolas, tilting his head like a dumb dog. Valar, he was a dumb dog if Shawn ever knew one…he never really had a dog when he was younger. Poor deprived child.

"Because it has something in it that will make you remember the fellowship, which is a good thing, and then you can send me home…and why is your face so pink?"

"Poison ivy."

"Ouch."

~*~

With much difficulty, Shawn convinced Legolas that he should be brought along to help identify the pink bag they would search for in Mirkwood. It took even more effort just for both of them to leave the palace that next morning. Arguments of That human has a hole through his stomach, to You have amnesia, who knows what else you might have forgotten, and I should go too! You'll need someone to protect the weak!…the last comment was from Thaniel. And much to Shawn's dismay, Thaniel had wormed his way into their party, along with Silmaril, who would NOT let her two patients out of her sight, and the same two guards that had guarded Shawn after he hit Legolas with a chair.

Shawn learned later on that hitting a prince with a chair was most definitely a no-no. The two guards, who Shawn came to find out were named Vilarion and Auberlin, kept glaring at him while they packed their horses. Thaniel was true to Legolas's order and didn't touch Shawn. But that didn't mean he didn't whisper things in Sindarin when he was close, or just happened to have to walk by whenever Shawn was near. _I think I finally realize what it's like to be Legolas in my world. _At least Legolas offered sympathy towards him, considering that Thaniel was his best friend, and Shawn was a good friend…sort of.

During the ride through Mirkwood, Shawn learned a bit about Legolas's past, not only with Thaniel, but with some girl-elves that Chloe and Nina would kill if they ever met.

"So you snuck out of the palace when you were 2,000 years old to hang out with this Lanfeir chick? And Thaniel was there? Sounds sketchy." Shawn snickered as his horse jumbled his stitches around. _Stitches suck_. Well said, Shawn, well said.

Legolas rolled his eyes before responding. "It is not as you make it out to be. You see, Thaniel and I have been companions ever since we began training to be warriors. Lanfeir was a warrior in training as well, and well," Legolas blushed a bit, "we both had a crush on her." Shawn snorted. So he had a crush, big deal! It wasn't as if he was going to marry the girl…Elf…

"So who won?"

Legolas gave Shawn a puzzled look. "Won?"

"Who got the girl?"

"Oh well, she told me to meet her behind the archery field at the tallest tree. And well, she tried to kiss me," again, Legolas was blushing. _Well, he must've not been kissed, seeing as how Chloe holds that honor._ "But I pushed her away and she has yet to forgive me. Thaniel here, however, had no trouble seeing Lanfeir until a couple months ago, when she started liking me again, despite her reluctance to make a relationship with me."

Ahh, the drama of the Elven race.

Legolas continued to explain his past "relationships" which consisted of him holding hands with another girl, which was like making out with someone for Legolas. That explained why Legolas was so freaked out by fangirls with raging hormones. He also explained his weird relationship with Thaniel, who had a hobby of taking the first kiss of anyone he thought was extraordinary. _Yeah, that doesn't comfort me in the least bit._ Thaniel had a crush on the strange foreigner. _Oh the joy._

It was mid-day when the party arrived at the site of where Silmaril's men found Shawn. They dismounted and searched among the brush. The keen Elven eyes spotted traces of spiders, but none to worry about. They had headed deeper into the woods since yesterday. Vilarion, however, found a couple pink threads snatched onto a branch that led where the spiders went.

"DAMNIT!" Shouted Shawn. He needed that bag. It had everything he needed in it! Tylenol for his stomach, a camera, pads…well he didn't need _those_, though he supposed they could double for like a Band-Aid or something. In any case, the party decided to break and have lunch, discussing whether or not to follow the spiders.

"Legolas, what's this called?" Shawn asked as he bit into a weird bread like thing.

"Lembas."

Shawn lifted up his head and said, "Right," and took another bite. That was the bread that the Elves gave the Fellowship when they left Lothlorien. _Uhh_, I'm beginning to know too much about Lord of the Rings. Though I bet I would kick ass at LOTR Trivial Pursuit. __

Silmaril sat down next to her brother. Both were wearing the royal colors of Mirkwood: brown and green; both in tunics for easy riding. Vilarion and Auberlin, who apparently weren't hungry, decided to scout ahead to see just how far the spiders had traveled, and if it was worth the five of them to go forth. They didn't include Shawn. They were mean. _Tch__, stupid Elves thinking that I can't wield a sword. Well they didn't see me cut of Elidh-Feredir's head! Damnit, bad memories. Thaniel stood, taking care of the horses and nibbling on his luncheon. Every now and then, he whispered something softly in Elvish to comfort the horses. It was an uncomfortable silence for the human, while the Elves felt quite at peace._

"So, uhh, how about those Yankees?" Legolas gave him a most curious look.

"What are you talking about?"

Shawn shrugged. "I have no idea. Just trying to make conversation." Silmaril said something to Legolas, Shawn didn't know, but they both started laughing and she glanced at Shawn. _Ya__, go ahead and make your jokes. Stupid Elf._

So he really hugged you while you were away? giggled Silmaril. Legolas thought it was the nicest thing in the world when Silmaril ditched the Crown Princess façade and acted like the sister he knew she was. He hushed her and looked Thaniel's way, making sure he hadn't heard. As if Elves couldn't not hear something.

Shh! He only did it in order to make a guard of some sort pass us by without questioning why we were there. Though I must admit, I was rather taken aback by him. I did not know his language yet and a girl named Chloe translated everything through this machine called a "walkie-talkie." Silmaril smirked.

Oh, so you met a girl there? That really caught her attention. Did that bode well?

Legolas scoffed. Are you sane? They practically tried to straddle me every night! Valar! Never go to that place, Silmaril. They are hormone-driven and reproduce like rabbits! Especially the two: Nina and Chloe!

It was at this time that Vilarion and Auberlin waltzed into the temporary encampment. One, a tall auburn-haired Elf, Vilarion Shawn thought, announced that the spiders were not that far ahead, and that the group was no less than fifty. That would leave ten spiders to each warrior, once again leaving out Shawn. Then again, no one was kind enough to give Shawn any weapons. _Damn bastards_. The ride was no more than an hour away, if the two Elves estimated correctly; enough time to set up a trap and make it easier to kill the spiders. They saddled up and left for the darker woodlands.

The ride this time was filled with excitement. Elves had no tolerance for the loss of life, but anything that killed innocents did not deserve life, especially spiders. Spiders would eat anything that wandered too far into the woods, which left Elves and forest animals being hunted down. Shawn could see the apprehension on Legolas's face, even beyond the many pink rashes and bruises on his head. Shawn really did a job on Legolas. He laughed softly at his own accomplishment.

Thaniel rode up to Shawn. Legolas kept an eye on them, but was too wrapped up in what Vilarion's plan of attack. Thaniel handed Shawn a belt with a knife pouch attached to the side. Shawn looked at it and then at the green-eyed Elf. Thaniel smiled and rode back towards the front. _Well, even if he is creepy, at least he gave me something to protect myself with._ Shawn took the knife out of the pouch. It was more of a dagger than a knife. About seven inches long, curved at one end and Elvish writing all along the blunt edges. Even a moonstone was embedded on the hilt. Shawn wouldn't mind keeping the dagger for a while, even if it was a gift from creepy boy over there.

The party made a large loop around the spiders. Vilarion, the most experienced warrior there, gave the orders to how the attack would go down. Silmaril would stay in the trees and shoot down as many spiders as she could. Thaniel, Auberlin, and Vilarion would be the ground force. Legolas would use his arrow and blades to protect the horses. And Shawn would cower in the roots of some tree. Well, that last part wasn't said aloud, but it was assumed among all the Elves. No one, except perhaps Legolas, thought he would run away scared. Plus he was injured. Silmaril would have a fit if he was allowed to fight. Which was of course why Shawn decided that during mid-battle, he would charge onto the clearing and fight if it looked like the Elves were winning.

They sat in silence, or as silent as silent could be. The horses occasionally snorted or kicked the ground, but overall, they were quieter than most horses. Shawn figured it was because they were _special Elven horses, but who knew? Silmaril waiting in her tree, hidden from everyone's sight. Auberlin was crouching behind a large boulder, an arrow knocked and ready to be shot. Vilarion was across the clearing from Auberlin behind a tree. And Thaniel was under a fallen tree where the spiders would have to jump over. Legolas and Shawn were basically the bait. How nice._

In a moment, the horses became eerily quiet. Shawn could see all the Elves (in sight) tensing. _The spiders are coming. _Shawn shuddered. _Thank god that Chloe isn't here, she would've had a heart attack and died from giant spiders…hahahaha._ A familiar hissing sound echoed around them. Only a couple more minutes before the attack would begin. Shawn stared at where Thaniel lay hidden. The spiders would have to climb over that log. And that's just what they did.

Several spiders crawled along the ground and in the trees. They spotted Legolas and Shawn and instantly let out ear-piercing calls. Pandemonium erupted as Silmaril let her arrows fly, Thaniel jumped from his hiding spot, stabbing spider's head, and the other two Elves loosed their arrows and switched to their knives as the spiders came closer, all at once. Legolas had also taken out his bow and was picking off any spider that strayed too close to Shawn and the horses.

The spiders hissed and lunged at the Elves' legs and arms, hoping to take them down with the limb. Legolas heard a sharp cry of pain and saw Thaniel violently thrusting his knife at the spider biting his shoulder. It rolled off as Thaniel clutched his wound. That wasn't good. The spiders saw the wounded Elf and started focusing their attack on him. Vilarion had taken out his own Elven Blades of Doom and raced over to help his falling comrade. Silmaril had run out of arrows and jumped from her hiding place high in the tree. Upon her landing, she struck down an arachnid in its lower abdomen.

Auberlin was picking off any of the spiders that tried to go near the two other Elves on their way to rescue Thaniel. Legolas continued his volley of arrows at the spiders that were now starting to run away. At least the creatures knew when they were beat. Still, none had the pink bag of Chloe.

Legolas, behind you! yelled Vilarion as a spider jumped out from behind the horses, nearly biting Legolas as he ducked. The spider landed in front of Legolas, a bright pink bag in its clutches. What luck. Legolas aimed his arrow lightning quick and exterminated the evil bug. Success at last as Legolas detached the purse from the mass of spider legs. Silmaril was just finishing off the last of the remaining spiders as they fled back into the woods. They found what they wanted, and there was no reason to chase after the spiders.

The party was relatively unscathed. Shawn came out of hiding, cursing how the battle went to quick and he didn't have a chance to show his moves. Legolas only chuckled. Silmaril had not a scratch on her. Vilarion had a hole in his left pant leg, Legolas supposed from a spider bite, but it didn't look serious. And Auberlin had a knick under his eye from something. But with Thaniel, it was a totally different case.

He was lying on the ground, eyes shut tight and scrunched. Silmaril had already taken on "healer-mode," as Shawn put it and was taking out all her medical herbs. Vilarion and Auberlin were ordered to prepare the horses as fast as they could. Legolas rushed over to his friend. The wound was two blood gushing holes. Silmaril was already putting a paste in them, causing Thaniel to tense.

The saliva of the spiders makes wounds not heal correctly. He will continue to bleed if we don't find a way to clot the blood. We need to get back to the palace. Legolas nodded and ran off to help the other two Elves. With luck, and speed, they could make it to the palace before dark.

Shawn, on the other hand, had no idea what to do. Legolas had the purse over his chest and was untying the horses from the trees. Thaniel looked like he was in massive pain. _Been there, done that. Though they didn't bite me. No, don't give me the little bite marks. Let's stick a giant stinger through my stomach to kill me. FUN! … I hope he's alright though._

Thaniel let out another cry of pain as Silmaril put another herb in his wound. Legolas and company led the horses over and gently lifted Thaniel onto Legolas's horse. Silmaril had wrapped a bandage around his shoulder, and Legolas made sure not to touch it. He felt Thaniel's forehead and took his hand away in surprise. He was developing a fever. Not good. The rest of the party was soon ready to go and they galloped off, not minding the poor human boy who had no riding experience whatsoever.

Don't die on me, Thaniel, or I'll be forced to kill you myself, said Legolas as he disappeared into the forest. Shawn slowly made his way towards the Elves.

"Don't leave me…" He lost sight of the Elves. "behind…"

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

maiden of the mist: Oh, thank you for reviewing! It's nice to know that more people read it. But it's even better when they review, lol. Makes me feel like more people are reading it! You think I'm a good writer? Meh, I went down in my PSAT scores from this year to last year. I blame it all on my teacher.

Das Blume: Hobbits have rights too!! Start the HAPT foundation: hobbits are people too! Lol, I like bondage ^_^ Shawn/Thaniel bondage would make me happy. I should write a sidestory, mwahaha. Are there almonds in Middle Earth? To answer your question, let's turn to my dear friend Scott. Scott?

Scott: It is in my personal opinion that there ARE almonds in ME, only because I saw an almond tree…do almonds grow on trees? I think they do..

lolly pop3: It took me a while to update, only cos I've been doing a lot of reading. That and I'm lazy. And I want to write a novel. Meh, like that's ever going to happen. I'm glad you liked the Thaniel Shawn scene! I liked it too! ^_^

asp: heehee, you make me laugh because you laugh at my pathetic attempt at comedy, lol. Well, actually I laugh because you laugh at Thaniel and Shawn. Gosh I love them.

open eyes: Interesting penname. I wonder if someone has a penname of "closed eyes," lol. And I see you are from Holland. COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoa, and we're the same age. Whoa, same sign. This is freaky. Are you my long lost twin? Lol

WeasleyTwinsLover1112: I can't wait to torture Shawn some more. And it will be fun. There will be much rejoicing: yay…feel the happy!

Nina: "Five bucks Jared's off introducing orcs to personal hygenie items before he becomes found again." DUDE, that is so freakin hilarious! Hahahaha, he'd do that too, if the orcs didn't kill him at first. I can see it now, Jared walks up to a band of orcs carrying a briefcase. Lemme write this scene for everyone:

**Jared: Dentist-man!**

Jared is carrying a brief case down a valley near Gondor. He shouldn't be there, he knows this too well, but the humans at the last village chased him out when he introduced the electric toothbrush. His only chance at selling something is in Gondor. And it just so happens that a band of orcs are on their way to destroy some innocent Gondor villages.

Jared approaches the orcs who are feasting on a dead rug salesman. He can tell by the many colored rugs that are being burned in the center of the orc encampment. The beings of Mordor see the salesman approaching and start to laugh. Another meal on its way, and willing too! The leader, Uglnack, walks out and draws his sort of pointy sword at Jared.

"What do you want, salesman? A quick and painless death? Or maybe we should have a little fun?" There was a round of shouts and approval from the surrounding orcs. Instead of peeing his pants and running for dear life, Jared whips out his brief case and opens it up. The orcs gasp at what they see.

"Hello, my name is Jared, and I am your dental salesman of the evening. Today I would like to show you a magnificent triumph in the dental hygiene area concerning toothpaste. Would you like to have a taste?" Jared takes out a small tube of mint toothpaste and hands it to Uglnack, who is staring at Jared with a bedazzled look on his face. What in the hell was this human doing? Might as well play along.

Uglnack eats the tube whole, and the orcs around him stare intently. All of the sudden, Uglnack's eyes start to buldge, and the orcs around him move back a couple steps. He drops his "sword" and falls to his knees before letting out a terrible scream. And then, Uglnack explodes. Blood and innards wash over everyone in sight. The orcs look at one another. Jared wipes the blood out of his eyes and says, "I also have cinnamon!"

THE END

Froggy: Message for Froggy: That would be so awesome to have a voicemail that says that, lol. To be cliché, most of the time, people with amnesia are hit in the head again in order to remember something. Only this time, I control what Legolas remembers and not, MWAHAHA.

Lindiel Eryn: Okay, the six-first kisses thing goes like this: Everyone has their first kiss, right? Well, Thaniel has been the first kiss of six different people, not necessarily from different races. You can't have more than one first kiss, but you can BE the first kiss of someone else, and to more than one person. ^_^

Kitten: Tch, no one cares about Shawn ^_^ And I love pansy Elves. They're so much fun to play with. I think I'll go play with them now, seeing as how I'm writing this past midnight. @.@ Computer screen madness!!!

Thanks everyone for reviewing, and I hope you liked this extra long chapter and the little scene of Jared as a dentist salesman. That has really nothing to do with the plot. It's just a funny picture, lol. In any case, I'll try to update asap if I can, I'll be doing lots of reading the next few weeks . But ya, more fun stuff next chapter! Leave some love! Or cookies!


	6. Do Your Worst Mother Nature

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter VI: Do Your Worst Mother Nature

Shawn found himself barely riding a horse through the Mirkwood forest. Alone. By himself. Left behind by the Elves that were supposed to watch him and help him and make fire for him since he didn't have a lighter. And of course, nice dark clouds were approaching. _My freaking luck would have it…_Shawn shifted on his horse – he never did find out its name, or if it was a boy or a girl. It didn't really matter though, did it?

He rode through the trees for a few more minutes, praying to whatever god that ruled Middle Earth that perhaps one of the blasted Elves had remembered the human, though he doubted if Vilarion or Auberlin would have the decency to come back and rescue him. They'd probably like it if his body were found all mangled and with horse bites in it. Now he was suspicious of the Elven horse. Horses were always herbivores in any world, right? No need to take a bite of human flesh…

A crack of lightening sounded through the forest, and thunder surely followed. Shawn's horse reared and neighed clearly freaked out by the unexpected storm. Shawn was sent falling off the horse's saddle and onto the hard ground. His horse sped forward, most likely towards the palace where it knew shelter was, leaving Shawn clutching his still stitched tummy. _DAMNIT! _He picked himself off the ground, brushing the leaves and dirt off his clothes. _Once again, left in the forest to fend for myself.__ Brilliant._ At least this time he had another shoe on. Legolas had given him a pair of boots that morning when they headed out. Oh and that dagger Thaniel gave him…best not to think of that freaky Elf right now though. And a cloak, but Shawn didn't want to wear is so he left it on the horse. And now the horse was gone. But he had boots!

"When I get my hands on you, Legolas…" Shawn started walking the way his horse ran. A sprinkle of rain started falling. _Great…_

::

Leading all the horses at a gallop allowed the party of Elves to reach the palace well before dark. Legolas lowered Thaniel into Vilarion's arms. Silmaril was close behind as Vilarion hurried through the gates and down one of the many halls. No time was wasted. Auberlin took care of the horses, and Legolas sped after his best friend.

He found him in one of the healing rooms reserved just for patients, though one of the better ones Legolas would have to say. A servant had already been given directions by Silmaril of what she needed done, and someone was sent to alert Thaniel's parents. They were both potters who disapproved of Thaniel's decision to take up the sword and destroy life. But in any case, they would want to see their son.

Thaniel's condition wasn't improving. He had a burning fever, and the blood wouldn't stop flowing no matter how much pressure was put on. Thaniel's eyes were closed in that unusual manner, and Legolas couldn't bear to watch as Silmaril came rushing back in with thread and a needle. No need to say what those were for. Against his will, Silmaril forced Legolas out of the room while she preformed her healing magic.

Legolas found himself standing in the hallway, clutching something in his hand. When he looked down, he saw that it was the pink bag that they had run into the forest to retrieve. The pink bag that that guy wanted them to find…why couldn't he remember his name? What was it again? The human with the weird shaped eyes and black shoulder length hair…Legolas almost felt like hitting his head against the wall. Would that jog his memory? Maybe if he looked through the bag; which would also get his mind off of Thaniel.

Legolas saw the little pieces of metal that spelt out the word "Chloe" (he vaguely wondered why he could read it) and worked his ways with the little button. Once it unsnapped, he pulled out the first thing he found: a brush. Hey a brush! Legolas gave his hair a couple strokes with that. This was a really nice brush! He could feel his hair becoming softer and perhaps shinier by the minute! Why was it that brushes from another world were better then the ones that Elves made? Hey, how did he know this brush was from another world?

Legolas was so confused. It was as if he was fighting to remember what all this meant to him. The pink bag, the name "Chloe," that human. And why was it so hot all of the sudden? Elves don't feel hot! They might BE hot, but they most certainly don't feel extreme temperatures…It was almost like that dream he had with that giant flaming eyeball. But why was he feeling it while he was awake? Could it be a daydream?

"SHAWN!" Elbereth, Legolas forgot about Shawn! He was still out in the woods, alone! And they hadn't killed all the spiders. A sudden crack of thunder warned Legolas that it was also raining out now, with lightening. Legolas ran from his spot, still clutching the bag and brush, and ran into Vilarion and Auberlin. They had returned from bringing the horses to the stable.

You must find Shawn! We left him in the forest! Vilarion and Auberlin looked at each other. They cursed Arda for letting Legolas remember the worthless human. That human had caused too much trouble for one day. From attacking the prince of Mirkwood (giving him a black eye that went nicely with the red from the poison ivy which was slowly healing) to making a search party go into the spider infested forest to find a stupid pink bag…

Yes, my prince. They both said. Legolas figured they would be a little ticked off that they had to go out and search in the rain, but they were the ones who were supposed to protect the human. And Shawn was stilled injured! He had those stitches in his stomach from the spider wound; which reminded Legolas of Thaniel.

He ran back to the room Thaniel was in, and Silmaril had apparently finished her work. He saw Thaniel lying on the bed, still quite unconscious, with a large bandage enveloping his shoulder and part of his chest. Silmaril did what she could, and now it was all up to time.

Legolas sat down in a chair by Thaniel's bedside. His eyes were unnaturally closed, something no Elf would ever be used to. There was a cool cloth on his forehead to bring down the fever. The least Legolas could do was make sure that his fever went down. That was basically the extent of his knowledge, other than how to bandage. Silmaril was the healer of the family, and Legolas the warrior.

Thaniel groaned in his sleep, most likely being haunted by nightmares. Legolas took his friend's hand and rubbed it gently.

It's alright, my friend. I am here for you. Just as you were with me. He gave a sad smile. This is always how it is, isn't it? One of us gets hurt, and the other is forced to wait for his recovery.

Thaniel, if you don't die, you can do anything you want. You can flirt with Shawn if you want! Just…don't die…please…

::

"I've got a knife!" yelled Shawn at a rogue squirrel. It had been following him for a while now. It was all creepy and black. Stupid squirrel. Another flash of lightning gave the reflection of red glowing eyes. "Oh snap," said Shawn, who started backing away slowly. When you started finding evil black squirrels with red eyes, you don't start threatening them. _This is Middle-Earth…and Mirkwood…who the hell knows what a freaking squirrel could do._

The squirrel gave a couple chirps and hopped over some brush towards Shawn. He had the sudden thought of hanging the squirrel, but he didn't have any rope on him…other than his shoe laces…if he tried hard enough, he could totally take out the little bugger and hang it. A warning to all other red-eyed squirrels that Shawn Michael Star wouldn't settle for woodland creature stalking. The rain continued to fall as the sky lit up with another bolt of lightning. To Shawn's disappointment, the squirrel was gone.

_Well…I might not get to hang it…but at least it stopped following me!_ Shawn put the dagger back into its pouch that looped around his pants. It had been maybe a good three hours since Shawn had seen any people…let alone Elves. Why did he have to end up in a world that hated him? Why was everyone against him? The weather, the Elves, the freaking squirrels and giant spiders!! At least those weren't around. They had run off in the opposite direction of the castle…Shawn just hoped he was going the right way.

Another rolling crack of thunder pierced his hearing. And the damn rain was making his hair all frizzy and go in his eyes. He reached down into his pockets. Maybe…just maybe…wait…yes? No, that wasn't an elastic. Of course not. Freaking world was against him. Perhaps that vine could work? It looked bendy…why not? Shawn took out the knife again (he was getting pretty good at brandishing it!) and started carefully cutting a strand that he could use to tie his hair back. Not in a girly way, he really just needed the hair out of his eyes. That was the ONLY reason why he was doing this. And anyway, the people in this world seemed to like having little ponytails and long hair, especially the guys. The girls just let their hair flow all over the place. It was so backwards. But in no time, he had a strand of vine and was working on tying his hair back…

"Ow! Damn leaf…" Shawn muttered as he finished off the knot. At least it worked. Yes, but chance would have it that just at that moment, the rain went from a downpour to absolute nothing. Whoever this Arda god thing was, Shawn was sure it was out to spite him. Either that or Tolkien's dead spirit.

Despite the lack of rain, a huge flash surrounded the forest, beaming through the canopy. Shawn jumped back as he heard the thunder only a few seconds later. This was getting just a little dangerous. Being underneath some hundred foot trees probably wasn't the best thing right now. Time to find some coverage. Oh look, a black squirrel running for its life. Follow the squirrel Shawn, follow it. And he did. Why? Because when animals get scared they head for safe places. So wherever this squirrel of death (most likely it was the evil one from before too) was going, it had to be better than standing with a metal knife in hand.

Dodging mud puddles and fallen branches wasn't the easiest thing Shawn had ever done, and the squirrel liked to jump and squeak a lot. Stupid squirrel. Then again, this squirrel could save his life. _I love you squirrel. But if you try to eat me, I _will_ hang you with my bare hands…and a knife._ Shawn realized he must be pretty desperate to follow a squirrel to safety. Oh well, at least it was better than Auberlin or Vilarion making fun of him for his lack of survival skills.

Soon enough, Shawn came upon a nice little cave. Now everyone knows what a cave is, right? It's one of those rock places where animals curl up inside and it's nice and cool. Snakes like to go there too, kiddies. Does a Shawn go in a cave? Oh yes, a Shawn definitely goes into a cave even though he knows nothing about the inhabitants in there. Does a Shawn feel something furry under his hand? Oh yes, Shawn definitely feels something furry under his hand. And a Shawn jumps up and hits his head when he feels something furry under his hand, which puts Shawn into an unconscious state because only a stupid person jumps up in a cave that's three feet high.

And thus did Shawn end up unconscious in a cave with a black and red-eyed squirrel.

::

Several hours later, Legolas was still at Thaniel's bed. His parents had already been by. Though they despaired for their son, Silmaril's treatment proved to be effective and Thaniel was recovering. But his parent's love only ran so far. They had left only a little while ago to tend to another child of theirs; one that didn't kill innocent creatures.

Legolas shifted in his seat next to Thaniel. His eyes were still closed, but he looked peaceful. The prince could only smile when he saw Thaniel start to cuddle into the blanket and pillow. Only Thaniel would cuddle with a blanket with a stitched shoulder. Legolas thought it might be funny if Thaniel happened to wake up and have his arms wrapped around Shawn…if only Vilarion and Auberlin would find him…then he would have to get Shawn really drunk, which would be easy with Elvish wine. And not only that, but then Legolas would be keeping true to his word by letting Thaniel flirt with Shawn since he was recovering. Legolas was always true to his word and even though Shawn might hate him for a while, in retrospect, Shawn had let a lot of really bad things happen to him in Shawn's world. And so with that thought, Legolas left Thaniel's room with a slight bounce in his step.

And who better than for Legolas to run into than the one and only Vilarion. Legolas waved him down and the royal guard greeted his prince.

Prince Legolas, Vilarion started with a bow. We found that human you requested for unconscious in a cave not too far from the castle. Auberlin had him brought to Princess Silmaril for treatment, though he only seems to have hit his head. Legolas let a smile plaster his face, forgetting all about royal conduct.

Excellent! Have him room with Thaniel. Vilarion probably speculated Legolas's intentions, but agreed nonetheless. And don't tell my father unless he asks.

As you wish, majesty. As Legolas turned to prepare his prank, Vilarion grabbed his shoulder. There was one other thing, if you would be kind enough to listen. Legolas turned to face Vilarion again. The elder Elf stood aged in front of the young prince. A squirrel was found with the human which refused to leave him. It followed us and even rode on the human's shoulder as we brought him back. They seem to have some attachment to each other. His eyes grew serious. It is never a good thing when a dark creature of the forest attaches itself to a human. Be wary, my lord. And with that, Vilarion departed to deliver Legolas's commands to Auberlin.

Legolas stood in the middle of the hallway. Vilarion was becoming a little senile with his old age. He was, after all, older than his father, Thranduil. Maybe he should suggest that Vilarion retire? But that was a thing to worry about later. Legolas had to figure out how to move Shawn from one bed to another without waking him up. Oh the cleverness of Elves, or lack-there-of.

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

MorgauseNokami: This prob won't be a slash story, but there will be some little tid bits that I'm sure people will enjoy! And as for English being easy to learn, you do have a point with Indo-European languages being harder, but I think it's more the grammar that's easy for a non-English speaking person to learn. There are just a lot of words for them to learn and sentence structures, etc…then again, I wouldn't really know considering English was my first language…lol…so…let's just say it's all a matter of opinion?

Coolio02: Yea I didn't update too soon did I? Sorry! I had some major issues with this chapter and with school and with some other stories that I'm currently working on (a slash and one with vampires yay!) I've been a busy little Kayo. But I'm glad you find this humorous!

QueenDiablo: I like your name! But hey, don't they mention that Thranduil has a beard in The Hobbit? I'm pretty sure, but I can't be certain. Even so, it's fanfiction, so if Thranduil has a beard, oh, he has a BRISTLY beard, lol. Yea, I like the twist too. Too many girls in LOTR fanfiction. Need more hot men. Need Shawn.

namarie2legolas: Can I just dip Leggy in some peanut butter and lick it off? Please? He needn't marry Mr. Itchycrotchy! And of course Legolas forgot Shawn. He's blonde!

Froggy: Uhh spiders ::shudder:: I agree with the killing of the spiders. Haha, Coffee Boy. Sounds like a super hero name. "If I could be a super hero, I'd be Coffee Boy/Drinking caffeine instead of liquor, I'd bring the world lotsa joy!" (tune to Steven Lynch song)

lolly pop3: Another Thaniel and Shawn scene next chapter! Hooray! And maybe I'll make Shawn into a woman and make him cook…hmmm…

Kitten: Thank you! Thaniel'll be alright. He can't die. He's too hot for me to kill off.

Das Blume: haha, make some fanart of like Merry and Pippin on stilts with signs showing "Hobbits Are People Too" to some Elves, and have Sam being kicked over by Frodo since Sam's a perv who wants Frodo in a bad way so he deserves to fall…into a puddle of mud, lol. But anyway, I didn't want Shawn to get any more injured than possible in this story since he already has a wound…though Thaniel would most definitely suck the poison out! I should so write what Thaniel is dreaming about next chapter, mwahaha, can anyone say slash bondage? KAYO CAN!

Lindiel Eryn: I'll try to clear up the Legolas quest thing: Yes, Legolas returns to Middle Earth during the time when he's off trying to find Merry and Pippin. No, there's only one Legolas in Middle Earth. No, the people don't remember that Legolas was on a quest because Legolas himself doesn't remember being on the quest, even though he is supposed to be on it right now, except for Shawn who remembers everything. This will all be explained later on. But I hope I helped you a bit!

maiden of the mist: I like your spiffy little dance of appreciation. Here's my spiffy little dance of getting this chapter done! ::does a lil jig::

WeasleyTwinsLover1112: Hitting princes is fun. I think it will become a fad in the near future.

asp: haha, true. Who has the worst situation? Getting hit on by two girls who try to rape you? Or getting hit on my a pansy Elf? Hmm…I think Shawn got the worst end of the deal.

Lolly: If you die laughing, you'll be my favoritist person in the world! Lol, that's so cool how you dubbed Shawn your "fav OC"!! That makes me so proud of him! And Shawn loves you back, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend!

Okay so I took a really long sabbatical…but now I have a better idea of what I'm gonna do with this story, which is good since most of the time I was just pulling it out of the air! And so I leave you with a request: review…and don't throw any rotten fruit? Lol (Thanks to MorgauseNokami for leaving the review that made me get off my lazy ass!)


	7. Interlude in a Bed or Two

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter VII: Interlude in a Bed or Two

Vilarion had told Auberlin how the Prince wanted the clumsy human in the same room as Thaniel. Auberlin had let out an annoyed groan, seeing as he had just delivered Shawn to his previous healing room where the human had received the stitches for the wounds from the spider. Vilarion commented how Legolas always wanted his friends under his own watchful eye. Auberlin agreed with a smile (so rare these days) and had some servants bring Shawn to Thaniel's room.

Legolas was still out in the hallway. Silmaril had come by only a few minutes before to check on Thaniel. Her diagnosis: rest and to take some medicine to completely remove the spider's venom every two hours. Silmaril had to leave though. Their father wanted to have a word with her. Not only that, but he was to have a conference today with the many leaders of all the Mirkwood outposts. It seemed the darkness of Mirkwood was creeping closer and closer to where the Elves inhabited. Some locations had daily attacks from spiders. The Crown Princess would be needed to witness how to make decisions to ensure that as many Elves would live as possible. And of course, this left Legolas to his own entertainment.

Auberlin transferred Shawn to Thaniel's room and left him on a bed perhaps ten feet apart from Thaniel's bed. When all the Elves were gone from the room, Legolas smirked and set to his plan. He wouldn't be able to move Thaniel for sure, since his shoulder was all bandaged. There would be too much risk of opening his stitches. Shawn, however, only had a bandage around his head. So he still had stitches in his stomach, no problem! From all the pressure the human had put on himself by trying to escape Silmaril and then battling spiders, Legolas was sure they could handle be jittered about once more.

With that in mind, Legolas went to the side of Shawn's bed. His hair was sticking out at some point from the bandages; the black contrasting with the white, making it very noticeable. At least Shawn had a shirt on this time (unlike Thaniel). Legolas spread his arms as far as they could go and started to push Shawn's bed in the direction of Thaniel's. The bed creaked on the floor, and Legolas had to stop several times to make sure that neither Elf nor human had woken up. And to his luck, all through the pushing and shoving, Legolas managed to set the two beds across from each other.

Just as Legolas was going to slightly roll Shawn closer to Thaniel, he heard a scratching noise. Legolas looked around the room. It was coming from the other side of the door. He must've not heard it because of the bed. Legolas had the passing thought that maybe another Elf had heard him moving the bed around…but someone would've come in and seen what the Prince was doing with two invalids. Thanking the Valar that that hadn't happened yet, Legolas went to inspect the door and figure out what was making that sound.

Right as he opened the door, a flash of black darted between his legs and jumped onto Shawn's bed. Legolas recognized it as a squirrel right away. He was about to go retrieve the vermin and set it loose outside when Vilarion's words came back to his mind. A squirrel was found with the human which refused to leave him. The squirrel must have lost Shawn when the rooms were switched. Legolas peered onto Shawn's bed and saw the squirrel curled up next to Shawn's pillow. The Prince smirked. Not only would Shawn and Thaniel wake up next to each other, but they would both see a squirrel in between them. This was going to be interesting.

::

Shawn was dreaming. Well, he would have to be dreaming, seeing as how he was floating. But he still had to tell himself he was dreaming. He was flying over a forest, Mirkwood he presumed, and he saw thousands of little black squirrels running beneath him, as if following him. Which was kind of cool; especially when they started to fly. Shawn felt totally like the Wicked Witch of the West with her flying monkeys, except he wouldn't call himself that. He'd be like: Evil Filipino of Edison with his flying squirrels. Wait, couldn't some squirrels fly anyway? Oh well, HIS squirrels weren't jumping tree limb from tree limb. They were floating just like him.

Floating floating floating and FIRE! Whoa! Where the hell did the fire come from?! Shawn looked below him and saw all of Mirkwood covered in flames. _I swear, all I was doing was flying! _As if the fire were Shawn's fault. But he did see something that could've started it. His little squirrel army was diving in and out of the fire, coming out burnt alive, and then falling into a part of the woods not yet lit up. The fire spread faster and faster this way, and Shawn realized it must have been the squirrels who started it. Then he noticed something: they had those red eyes like that stupid squirrel had that followed him. That was not good. Not good at all.

Suddenly he heard his name being called, and he was floating away from the ground and higher and higher into the clouds. "Shawn, melathron, kwivra…" (Shawn, lover, wake up…)

His eyes snapped open when he heard the enchanting Elvish language. At first, what he saw was an Elf with long blonde hair, which he figured was Silmaril. He remembered the first time waking up to the angel of Middle Earth (now the demon of Middle Earth since she was mean to him), and how he had tried to tell her he loved her, and the words being mumbled out of his mouth. He figured this would be just like before. He could just stare dreamily into her eyes, those luscious field green eyes. Wait…weren't Silmaril's eyes blue? Just like Legolas's eyes were blue…so then…_Oh shit_.

Shawn took a double take of who was lying right beside him, arm draped onto his arm…and bare-chested. If the eyes weren't enough to convince Shawn the person next to him wasn't Silmaril, the lack of boobs were. Before he could throw himself over the edge of the bed and onto the floor, away from the pervy Elf, Thaniel had wrapped his arm around Shawn's back and had pressed their bodies right next to each other.

"Uuma dela. Valina." (Don't worry. Just enjoy yourself.) Said Thaniel huskily. And before Shawn knew it, his lips were once again meeting Thaniel's. Which was not cool. At all. Shawn started thrashing about on the bed, kicking anyone and anywhere. He thought he must've hit Thaniel a couple times, but no. That didn't stop the over rambunctious Elf. In fact, Shawn nearly had a heart attack (in a bad way) when he felt Thaniel's tongue on his lips.

_I am not kissing an Elf. I am not kissing an Elf. I am not kissing an Elf_, Shawn chanted in his head. But amidst all the chaos that was Elf on human action, Shawn could hear cackling laughter. And peering over Thaniel's shoulder he saw Legolas, doubled over with tears in his eyes. This, of course, caused Shawn to lose it. _LEGOLAS DID THIS?!?! THAT MOFO!!_

Thaniel found himself all of the sudden on his back, and Shawn's knee crushing into his stomach. The wind knocked out of Thaniel, Shawn took the opportunity to jump from the bed and onto Legolas, successfully knocking them both to the ground. Legolas was still laughing, and Shawn had a burning hatred in his eye. Legolas wasn't worried that much though. All that the human could possibly do was give him a black eye…which he had done before, but hey! He was all healed now from BOTH the poison ivy and black eye. Hooray for no blemishes!

They rolled across the floor until finally Legolas stood up quickly and backed away from the insane human. Shawn was huffing on the ground. (He was a little dizzy – he HAD after all, just woken up from being unconscious.) Legolas took this moment to try and calm down Shawn.

"Shawn! Please stop for a moment. It was only a joke! It was just…what is the word…payback! Yes, payback! For all those times Nina and Chloe were after me in your world. And besides, I have to keep my word to Thaniel." He turned to Thaniel, who was looking quite pleased with himself, with a smile plastered about his face. Apparently, he _really_ liked Shawn.

"So?? I never made Nina and Chloe go after you! They did that on their free will!" He pointed at Thaniel. "You made him do that!!!"

"No I did not! I merely told him that he could touch you again. I removed the order I placed on him if he lived."

"That doesn't matter! So first you tell him he can't touch me, then before he dies, you say he can, and he just HAPPENS to live so he can rape me?!!? What the hell, Legolas?!?"

Thaniel cut in with a sharp, "Legolas? Tula Sinome…" (Come here…) Legolas gave a glance to Shawn, starting to feel sorry for what he did. Apparently, kissing another male was not part of the social order in Shawn's world, even though it wasn't that predominant in Middle Earth either. Legolas remembered when Shawn had hugged him so that a guard person wouldn't suspect that they were doing anything bad. But that had been after they first met, and Legolas hadn't known Shawn that well then. Besides, it wasn't that big of a deal, was it?

Thaniel opted not to whisper, since Shawn wouldn't be able to understand him anyway. Legolas, thanks for letting me have some fun with him, but I think he's really…REALLY angry. Maybe you should offer him some kind of compensation? Hmm?

Legolas gave Thaniel a skeptic look. What kind of compensation?

I'm thinking maybe…a date with your sister? Or hook him up with any maiden! Or perhaps you should offer him a free kick to anywhere on your body? He said the last part with a smirk. Legolas just glared at him, but turned to Shawn.

"Thaniel suggests for compensation to my horrible behavior as a host," (okay so Thaniel hadn't said all of that, but Legolas knew what he meant and he needed it to have more substance), "that I should introduce you to a maiden of your choice in the kingdom…or give you a free kick anywhere…"

Shawn finally decided to pick himself up off the floor and pondered for only a moment. "I think I'll take the girl action, seeing as how I'm such a nice guy who would never want to hurt anyone, even if they do set me up in their best friend's bed. You are a horrible Prince and male to the Elven species, Legolas."

"I have worked very hard to become so," said Legolas with a chuckle.

_Just you wait, Legolas, you're not off the hook yet!_ Thought Shawn.

The next half hour was spent with Legolas and Shawn tidying up the room, seeing as how Thaniel wasn't allowed to move his shoulder. They kept the two beds pushed together and all three sat together…almost like how girls sit and gossip. Except for the fact that only two of them looked like girls but were all male, which Shawn made a point of expressing. Legolas gave Thaniel his prescribed medicine from Silmaril, and it tasted foul, as usual.

It was in this moment when the three were talking about how Silmaril always made her medicine taste so bad that Shawn remembered something. Chloe's bag! The whole reason that they had gone off into the woods in the first place. Shawn asked Legolas to take it out, and Legolas did so, with only one problem.

"Shawn…a squirrel followed you here…and now it has latched itself to Chloe's bag," said Legolas as he held the bright pink bag over the bed with the black and red-eyed squirrel dangling from the latch. It was apparently trying to open up the back…and doing a horrible job at it.

"Why did a squirrel follow me?" Pondered Shawn, and a quick vision to the dream he had previous to his near rape by Elf came to mind. "Are black squirrels evil in Mirkwood, Legolas?"

"No, just clever little creatures." He said, easily pulling the squirrel off the bag. "Strange it would follow you though. They usually run from humans." Legolas got up and rummaged around through a drawer. He took out a small piece of rope and carefully tied it around the squirrel's neck. It didn't like having it on, and ran around in little circles trying to paw it off. If the three had been girls, which they weren't, but if they _had been_, they would've gone "awwww."

"Its name will be Norbert, and Norbert shall be its name. Because Hagrid had a dragon named Norbert. And so I too, will have a drag-err…squirrel named Norbert." Legolas gave Shawn a blank face. "You obviously haven't read Harry Potter."

"Harry who?" asked Legolas.

"Just don't talk anymore Legolas," Shawn sighed as he grabbed the bright pink bag from Legolas, who was holding the squirming squirrel in his lap. Thaniel was attempting to feed it some of his medicine; wasn't working too well.

Shawn poured out the entire contents of the bag. _Let's see a brush with blonde strands of hair in it…Legolas must've used it…no doubt! The Lord of the Rings trilogy all in one book with the Frodo bookmark and fake ring tassel, excellent. _He put that aside for a moment. Shawn just wanted to see what they had to work with. _Pads…tampons…__painkillers – nice! DIGITAL CAMERA! Oh the fun I will have with that. Some batteries…for the camera I guess. Pens…some paper. Notes from Nina. Chapstick – won't be needing that! Some lotion, smelling kinda good too. I should give it to Legolas. He'll appreciate that. Some make up crap…I don't know what have this shit is. Nothing really useful. _Shawn gave up going through the individual pockets as he realized it was nothing but wrappers. No food. No gum. No water. Shawn was going to die.

Despite the fact that there was no food for Shawn in Chloe's magic bag of everything, he decided he had to carry on with his ultimate plan from before. He picked up the Lord of the Rings book and took out the bookmark with the dangly tassel and ring. He showed the picture of Frodo to Legolas. Right in front of his eyes. He might've been too close…but hey, he was getting desperate. Legolas really needed to start remembering the fellowship and Sauron…not to mention Merry and Pippin still needed to be saved.

"Do you know this hobbit's face?" asked Shawn.

Legolas studied the bookmark for a moment. Thaniel was entranced by all the pretty objects laying on the bed, which was good for Shawn because Thaniel got bored not being able to talk to Shawn and opted for attempting to hold his hand.

"I do not know who this is. But why is his face so dirty and grimy? And why is it so…squarish? It is like, he has no chin!"

"Legolas, would you agree to let me beat you with this bookmark until you remember who this is?" Legolas looked a tad frightened and backed away from Shawn.

"No…I am sorry, Shawn…But for some reason I cannot recall this person…or anything else you have tried to explain to me."

Now, Shawn was pretty mad that Legolas didn't recognize Frodo. Actually, he was ripshit because he thought that since hitting Legolas with a chair had only partially jogged his memory, he believed that if he showed him something he would remember even more. But no. Shawn never gets a break. So he just sighed and said, "Don't worry Legolas. It's not your fault.

"Something weird is going on here. Both of us couldn't remember who each other were until we saw something from my world, and well…you got hit in the head with a chair, so I think that helped. But I mean, this is just really annoying. I wish we had an Istari or someone magical and smart to like read our minds or something…"

Insert metaphorical light bulb over Legolas's head. "We could send for Mithrandir!"

Insert Shawn blank look. "Who?"

"Gandalf! He will know what is going on, or he will be able to figure it out!"

"Yea! Er…wait…" _Shit, okay, Legolas disappeared during his run for Merry and Pip. Okay, so that means everyone thought Gandalf was dead. So that means that Gandalf has beaten the Balrog, and he is either dead and getting the life restored to him, or he's chillaxing in Fangorn __Forest__. I'm really starting to know this movie too well._ Another thought occurred to Shawn. Gandalf was a part of the fellowship; why did Legolas remember him? "How do you know Gandalf if you don't know Frodo?"

"Everyone knows Gandalf!" said Legolas all-knowingly. "Shawn, I have been alive for almost three thousand years."

"True dat homes."

"So we will send for Gandalf!"

Shawn couldn't tell Legolas that Gandalf was probably dead at this moment. "Yea, sure…"

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

Lily of the Shadow: I love Thaniel. I love him a lot. I will write a story with just Legolas and Thaniel and how they met after I'm done with this. Including Lanfeir. Woo!

AAAclub: I'm so happy that you devoted a couple of hours to reading my fics! So I thank you for reviewing! Legolas's partial amnesia will be revealed in due time. As for the rest of the story, just sit back, eat some sugar, and enjoy!

Das Blume: Heehee, the squirrel. You guys will love the squirrel…eventually. Okay, so this chapter wasn't that bad for pervy things…was it? Maybe…just a lil? Lol, Yea I didn't do Thaniel's dream only cos I've been writing in Legolas/Shawn perspective throughout my fics, so it be out of sync to write a Thaniel dream. Plus Shawn's dream is a omen for the future, and it's just funny when he wakes up with a guy next to him!

Nina: Yea, I had to show how Legolas is a little prankster. I love prankster Legolas. You've chased a squirrel? For a scholarship? What kind of scholarship program is that?? (And where can I apply??!) lol, just kidding!

Froggy: Leave the coffee, but I'll take the cake! ::munches:: Did you like the Thaniel x Shawn action? It was good, wasn't it? YOU LIKED IT. Haha, as I try to subliminally make people like it.

asp: The evil squirrel DOES rock. He has this bass and he jams down in my room while Thaniel and Shawn make out…I mean…while they play video games!

Bob: HI BOB! The squirrel is not creepy…and bloody? What kind of language is that?!? lol, just kidding. But no seriously, you have to be either from the UK or Australia to say bloody. It just doesn't sound right when an American says it. I wish I were Australian…

Kitten =-=: heehee, I put your face with your name! The squirrel will come in hand, no worries. (Wow, everyone wants to know about this squirrel!) And like I've told everyone else, the Thaniel Shawn action is fun. And good. I love Thaniel. And now, my Norbert, ATTACK!!!!1111oneoneoneone

lolly pop3: I'm happy! You reviewed! Reviews make me happy! Let's do that some more! Lol. This is a long update, ya know? Maybe…that means…people should leave long reviews? Hahaha

So there ya have it, folks! A nice long chapter! And more to come! I promise!!!!! Only two more weeks of school left!


	8. Lembas Bread and Wild Berries

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter VIII: Lembas Bread and Wild Berries

Soon enough, Legolas had found parchment and a quill to write with. As Legolas was busily writing a letter to the deceased Gandalf, Shawn shoved all of Chloe's things back into her bag, except for the trilogy book. He wanted Legolas to read it. They hadn't taught him to read for nothing! This was Shawn's last hope. _Maybe if Legolas reads about the entire fellowship, he'll remember._ It was a long shot, seeing as how the book mark idea hadn't panned out. But he was running out of options.

Thaniel grabbed the digital camera before Shawn did. "Mani naa ta?" (What is it?) Shawn didn't need a translation for the wonder in Thaniel's eyes. He grabbed the camera back and put it up to his eye, all the while saying,

"Don't touch it! It's a camera, and it's a really good one." SNAP! A quick flash of light, and Thaniel was looking around in bewilderment, before Shawn continued. "And now your image is here!" Shawn lowered the camera down to Thaniel's view, and Thaniel saw himself looking at an image of himself before it flashed away into blackness.

_I'm just waiting before people start shouting, "He's a witch!"_ _Or maybe I'll get lucky and they'll call me an Istari…doubtful, but a guy can wish, can't he?_ Shawn glanced over his shoulder and saw Legolas still going at the letter. He sighed and put the camera in the bag, along with the fake One Ring that was hidden amongst the blankets. Shawn held back a chuckle, imaging what it would be like if everyone remembered Sauron and the One Ring of Power, then saw the fake one. Humorous indeed.

Norbert, the new pet squirrel of death of Shawn, was jumping around like crazy on his leash that was tied to the bed post. Shawn didn't really want to know why, though he assumed either hunger or like…horniness? Hey! Don't look at Shawn like that! All males happen to get that urge, and Norbert didn't have any prostitutes to bang, so he couldn't blame to poor deprived squirrel of his…needs. Ew.

_I should just let Thaniel and Norbert "get to know each other,"_ thought Shawn. _Hell knows that Thaniel would bang anything he can get his hands on._ Once again, ew. Rather than think about such perverted and nasty thoughts, Shawn picked up the LotR book and put it on the desk beside Legolas.

"I want you to read this. This is my last chance of you remembering Sauron and the quest and everything." Legolas put down his quill and looked at the book.

"T-he…t-hhhe." Legolas sounded out.

"The, Legolas. The word is 'the.'" Shawn hit his forehead.

"Oh, right…The Loorduh off the Rrrihnguhs." No. This was not happening. They had taught Legolas to read! Jared had used his swashbuckling Istari magic to make Legolas learn wicked fast!

"WTF?" Said Shawn, actually saying the letters, "w, t, f." "Legolas, can you not read anymore?"

"I knew how to read this language?"

"Legolas…you're speaking this language…"

"Well I knew that!" Legolas was being such a dumb blonde right then, it wasn't even funny.

"You know what Legolas, forget it. It seems like I'm doomed to be raped in your little world and then die when Sauron finds Frodo and gets the ring and enslave everyone, who he will end up raping; since that's what every fangirl dreams of. Ew." Nicely put, Shawn.

"No I won't." Said – hey wait, who said that?

Shawn looked around the room. Legolas was back at his letter, and Thaniel was stroking Norbert. Ew. Looked like Shawn was beginning to lose his mind, which really wasn't a surprise to him, hearing voices and all. People heard voices in Middle Earth and were still considered sane, right? Look at Gollum! He sort of heard voices, and he turned out all right! A little dead, but that's okay!

_Oh man, this sucks._ Stomach growl. _I need food. _

"Legolas. I need food."

Legolas's head shot up. "Okay! I will send for some lembas bread and wild berries!" _Stop being girly, Legolas!_

"No no! That's okay. I want to make some of MY food. Where's the kitchen?"

"I am almost done with the letter. I can bring you there. Perhaps you should take the bandage off your head though. Silmaril will kill you if she spots you." Shawn didn't have a death wish. "Thaniel can stay here with Norbert."

Norbert's belly was being rubbed. Shawn started fearing for his little pet squirrel. "I'll take him with me! We need some owner to pet bonding…" Shawn grabbed Norbert's leash and dashed out of the door, Legolas not far behind, holding his completed letter to Gandalf. Thaniel was left in his bed, totally out of the loop.

--Nooo! Not my squirrel! Why! Why does this always happen to me!-- Right…

It didn't take Legolas long to deliver Shawn to the kitchen, where all the cooks stared at the weird looking human. Legolas had forgotten that Shawn was different than every other human in this world. It wasn't because of his raven black hair, which was starting to look grungy from not being washed, but because of his eyes. Luckily, for Shawn, many of the female Elves took to him, seeing Shawn as someone exotic. Despite not knowing how to speak Sindarin, Shawn had assured Legolas that he'd be fine cooking something for himself. Legolas doubted that, since Middle Earth didn't have that wonderful thing called a refrigerator. Even so, Legolas left Shawn to his own devices.

Legolas was walking down the hallways of his home. It felt great to be back here in Mirkwood, rather than Shawn's world. Actually, he would've felt better that he was home in any case. Legolas had this feeling that before he had met Shawn, he had been somewhere not good. Someplace where he didn't want to be, but he knew his presence was needed. Weird, wasn't it? Legolas knew he wasn't remembering something, and not just because Shawn was freaking out. There was a blank spot in his memory. He only remembered sneaking out to see that maiden, Lanfeir. Wait a gosh darn moment! Legolas had promised to hook Shawn up with a maiden after he had done that prank on him. Lanfeir was nice, and very beautiful. Shawn would like her!

But first, to deliver the parchment! Legolas jogged the rest of the way towards his father's chambers. There was a hawk that had pledged itself to the King of Mirkwood, though it would help the Prince as well. Legolas saw the ornate wooden door that led into his father's room. He knocked, with no answer, and let himself right in. He remembered that his father and Silmaril were at a meeting with the representatives from the areas around Mirkwood. He'd just tell his dadoo later about sending a letter for Gandalf. Using his Elven stealth, he crept through the various rooms dedicated for dictatorial work and living space. Next to his father's big desk loaded with papers, he was an open cage. They never closed it. The hawk, Mirky (Legolas had named it when he was little, and the hawk was REALLY old…), could fly in and out for food whenever he wanted, unless he wanted to hunt some poor defenseless mice.

Luckily for Legolas, though, Mirky was sitting on the high-backed chair that went along with the desk. Legolas smiled at the bird and took some string. After he tied his letter to Mirky's leg, he told him, --Bring this to Gandalf. Please be swift!-- Flap flap flap, and Mirky was gone from the room. Legolas sighed, and started his journey to find Thaniel something to eat.

Speaking of something to eat, Shawn was having a dandy time trying to communicate with the assortment of Elven cooks, mostly women.

"All I want to make is a doughnut! Do you have any dough? Bread? Hello? Do you understand the words coming from my mouth?" All Shawn got in return were smiles from the many women. _I'd like this if not for the fact that I'M HUNGRY!_ Shawn just sighed and resigned himself to a small corner in the kitchen with a stool. And there he sat trying to think of something he could make using these medieval looking tools. Then again, dough was dough no matter what time period the recipe was from, right? Right? Well, Shawn assumed so. He saw a nice looking lady with dark brown hair pulled together in a braid that went down to her hips. _Wow. Hair is like THE THING in Middle Earth. I bet if any of these people went to Earth, they'd all become hair dressers. _He tapped the woman on the shoulder, and through many various hand movements and random words on both accounts, Shawn got a slab of dough. What kind of dough? Shawn didn't really know. Did he dare to take a taste? Yes.

"BLEH! Is this lembas bread?" When the women heard the word lembas, they all started laughing and smiling and shaking their heads. "I guess so…" It seemed as though Shawn wasn't going to escape from the toxic bread. (It wasn't really toxic, Shawn was just really sick of it.) It had such a bland taste. Shawn decided he'd help it, just a little, then form it into the shape of a doughnut, and then make Thaniel eat it! Stupid Elf.

While Shawn busied himself with finding where all the ingredients he needed were, Norbert the black squirrel with the red beady eyes was fighting his leash with all his might. The rope that Legolas had tied around his neck was now tied around the stool that Shawn had been sitting at. Shawn was distracted from his "pet's" antics. Lucky for Norbert. Stupid human was worthless. Though he did come in handy. But never mind that. Norbert had to escape this darned tether he had around his poor little squirrel neck.

A few well placed bites and Norbert gnawed his way out of his leash. If a squirrel could speak, this one would be shouting, "Freedom! _Freedom!_ Take that you fing human!" Alas, Norbert refrained from speaking. Better if he kept quiet.

Along the floors and in the shadows he crept. Through the halls and many passages Legolas had taken Shawn through to the kitchen. Norbert backtracked all the way to Thaniel and Shawn's recovery room. Luckily, the door was slightly ajar, and Norbert slipped through without making any disturbance. Thaniel was laying on his bed with all the covers thrown off his body. Apparently, he was hot. So very hot. Oh man, was he hot. Sweat trickling off his torso, still bared so the bandages around his shoulder wouldn't get disturbed. And the next moment, chills! The blanket was wrapped tightly around him. Make up your mind, Thaniel!

Norbert sneaked his way around the room until he found what he was searching for. A bright pink bag was brightening up the room in the corner of the room. Norbert dashed over to it and using his tiny little paws, started to open the bag. He started throwing all kinds of things out; pads, wrappers, a brush, some make up. Though that wasn't good. The make up was in a plastic container and clanged on the floor where Norbert threw it. Thaniel definitely heard this and shot right up, which wasn't a good idea. All the blood rushed to his already pounding head. Looking over at the floor, he saw his good ol' buddy Norbert half buried inside that girl Chloe's bag.

--Hey there little guy! Did you run away to come back to me?-- said Thaniel with a drawl. When Norbert continued to chuck things out of Chloe's bag, Thaniel spoke louder. --Stop throwing that stuff about and come over here.-- His Elven charm should get Norbert to stop. But no. Thaniel was getting angry. (Not too patient was the Elf when he was all injured and hadn't taken his medicine.) --GET OUT OF THAT GIRL'S BAG, SQUIRREL!--

Norbert heeled on his legs and pointed at Thaniel. --Insignificant Elfling! How dare you raise your voice to your superior? When the world is mine, you shall be the first to know my wrath!-- And with that, he was back digging in Chloe's bag.

Thaniel stared dumbfounded at the back with the squirrel arse coming out of it. --Must be feverish…-- he muttered before dropping back onto his pillow and staring at the ceiling.

Norbert's movements were suddenly halted. He saw what he wanted. At the very bottom of the bag, no doubt. He made the dive to reach for it and…

He was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. Legolas Greenleaf, of Mirkwood. For a time will soon come when Elves will shape the fortunes of all.

Legolas stood holding Norbert's tail in his hand. The bugger was squirming and trying to bite his hand, but Legolas easily controlled the sad excuse for a mouse. --How did you escape Shawn?-- Legolas asked no one in particular. --Looks like we will just have to fix that.-- He put down the fruits and bread he had gathered for Thaniel and went back into the drawer where he had found the rope before. Seeing nothing strong enough to hold the squirrel, he opted to go retrieve a small cage from the stock of cages that were used to host birds. It didn't take long. The Elf in charge of storage was a little bewildered to see the Prince carrying a black squirrel and asking for a cage, but stranger things had happened.

Shawn, Legolas, and Thaniel were all gathered back in the room. Thaniel, much to Shawn's joy, had put a shirt on, and Legolas showed Shawn Norbert.

"Whoa, I totally forgot about him. Wow. Well, thanks for getting him a cage." He stuck some of his experimental bread through the bars for Norbert. Shawn himself had yet to try it. Well, now was a good a time as ever. All he had done was add sugar, some more butter, and anything sweet he could find; berries, mostly. The bread had turned a dark pinkish brown when it had come out of the fire. He took a small bite and waited. And to his surprise, the misshapen, strangely colored, fake lembas bread tasted really good. Like, really good! Shawn had baked his first loaf of pseudo-lembas bread!

"Legolas! Taste what I made! It's so good!" Shawn shouted and shoved a couple pieces to both Legolas and Thaniel. They looked at each other warily before both Elves ate their pieces. Well, Shawn thought they were eating it until their eyes started watering. Then they started making really weird faces. "You don't like it?"

Legolas forced himself to swallow it. "Shawn, how can you eat that? It is too sweet!"

"No way! This is like, mildly sweet!"

"Shawn, that is not mild."

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it is not."

"Don't make me bitch slap you, Legolas!"

"What-slap? Why would you slap me?"  
"ARGH!"

Norbert just rolled his eyes from inside his temporary residence. Fools.

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

Namarie an Lalaith: Bane of Feanor? Umm well actually, I got the name after reading a tiddle from the Simarillion (I think I spelt that right, lol) and I saw a jewel called a silmaril or something like that. I don't really remember. I had made up the name and written it down and then I stopped reading the book, so I can't really recall. But she's named after that jewel.

Delf-the-Pirate: Love the name! Squirrels. What can I say about squirrels? I've never seen a black one. Darn. And I love Thaniel. He's so pervy and sexy. I think everyone should have a round with him!

Froggy: Haha, yep, I made Leggy pretty evil. I don't think he would do that for real, but hey, I can be a little OOC if I want. Hell, I've got an OC, so Leggy's definitely a little out of character. I hope you didn't spontaneously explode! Sorry it took so long! ;;;

Nina: Ahh, now I understand the squirrel and the scholarship story! Lol, I wish I could chase a squirrel. I saw a raccoon the other day. Yep, I did. I was running and I saw it. I saw it while I was running. And it was standing and then running when I was running when I saw it. EVIL FILIPINOS ROCK ON!

Kitten -: Legolas will shortly stop pushing Shawn and Thaniel together, much to my dismay. Lol, and I'm the one writing the story! But Shawn's gonna go out with…WHOOPS! Can't give away a spoiler! Haha, you laugh so hard that it hurts? I'm happy that I can illicit that kind of pain! It's like, happy pain! And this I can say: Nina and Chloe won't be coming to Middle Earth. Sorry!

WeasleyTwinsLover1112: No biggie Weasley girl! Did you see HP3? THEY ARE HOTT. They kinda remind me of the Beatles but with red hair, haha.

Lily of the Shadow: Sorry my friend, this is not pre war. This is real time. Frodo and Sam are currently traveling with Gollum, Gandalf is undecided (living or death) and Aragorn and Gimli are running across that big ass plain in chase of the uruk-hai. And Merry and Pip are in their custody.

lolly pop3: Mm, I know many people that don't like slashy slash slash. So that's why I'm making this just more humorous than anything bad. If I'm ever gonna do a slash with them, I'll make a giant warning at the top of the page or something, lol. Though I doubt it. I don't think I could write it. I want Thaniel too much to give him to Shawn. Haha

asp: Jared will show up, but more towards the end of the fic. I don't know when that will be. I don't want this fic to be more than 15 chappys. But I can promise you that Jared will show up. He'll be in at least 2 or 3 chapters.

Coolio02: Thank you! I feel like I'm funny or something! Lol, and I'm continuing as the inspiration hits me.

Das Blume: Haha, maybe Shawn will turn gay or something. Heh heh, or not. Males kissing IS hot. No doubt! I can't wait to play with the digital camera. I really can't! NEXT CHAPTER I SHALL! Hmm maybe I'll do a Thaniel pov when I write the Leggy and Thaneil story. But thanks for the supports!

Oh man, so many reviews. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Keep reviewing! They make me happy and want to write! Especially when I get them like…a week or two after I post. I don't know why. Those ones always make me get off my arse. So thanks Das Blume, whose review I got at my boyfriend's house! (Had to wait till today to write but that's okay!) So in any case, have a wonderful summer vacation y'all and leave some love!


	9. Cruel Intentions

_I do not own Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I don't own Legolas either, but that's not stopping me!  
_IMPORTANT: When I uploaded, the regular quotations were gone, so now I am using a different way of denoting Sindarin: --blah blah--

Return to Middle Earth  
Kayo  
Chapter IX: Cruel Intentions

Nina and Chloe were watching The Return of the King with such intense ferocity. Nothing escaped their watchful eyes. They especially paid attention to where Legolas's hands were.

"He touched Aragorn's butt!" shouted Chloe, standing up and running to the dvd player to rewind it.

"No he didn't! He was reaching for his Elven Blades of Doom!" countered Nina, who held the remote.

"Yes, he clearly did. I mean, take a look at Aragorn's face. Pure pleasure. And you want to know why? Because Legolas just did him a sexual favor! THAT'S WHY!"

"Or not. I think it's because his horse just nudged his...er...unmentionable area."

Chloe watched the clip again. "Oh..."

They sat down and continued to watch the movie, pausing every ten minutes when one was convinced Legolas did something or other, and the other would disprove it easily.

The ending credits finally came, and both Chloe and Nina stretched their cramped legs and butts. As Nina got up to turn off the movie, Chloe suddenly asked, "You miss Shawn?"

Nina froze for a second, caught off guard from their previous Legolas indulgence. Then she simply answered, "Yea. Of course I do. He's my boyfriend. My first kiss. He means a lot to me."

"I figured. But what if he dies in Middle Earth," questioned Chloe, leaning on the armrest of the couch. "It's not that safe of a place. And you saw what he had to deal with before he went there. Sauron's a big asswipe. He's probably more powerful in Middle Earth than he was here. What if he already killed Shawn? We might have no way of knowing."

Nina packed the dvd in the box and sat down next to Chloe. "Well, Jared said he was going to go back there to kick Shawn's ass...which probably meant to save him. But I think I'll know if it happens. And I think the least Jared could do would be to tell us."

"And if Jared doesn't tell us, then I guess we'll just have to find a way to Middle Earth and kidnap Legolas as a replacement boyfriend."

"RIGHT ON!"

The next day.

Shawn woke up in his own room. His _own_ room! He had a room all to himself! He didn't have to share it with any of the crazy Elves that wanted to rape/hurt him. And he had some clothes that weren't like tights. That was a nice deal. A pair of boots too. In fact, he was decked out in an all Elvish wardrobe. Which was pretty nifty. It almost made him feel all warm and tingly inside, and no, he did not have any dreams about girls last night. Don't be gross. He's not like Thaniel. And he never will be. Ever. Then he went back to sleep.

Thaniel was still recuperating in his little room down the hall. His shoulder was feeling much better, though the medicine that Silmaril was prescribing was making him a bit drowsy now and highly incomprehensible. Legolas had an entire conversation with him about the migratory flight patterns of the swallow. Legolas argued that a coconut could _not_ be carried from the shores of Valinor to the depths of Mirkwood while Thaniel countered that one could tie a string between two swallows. Part of the conversation went like this:

Legolas: --What? A swallow carrying a coconut?--  
Thaniel: --It could grip it by the husk!--  
Legolas: --It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.--  
Thaniel: --Well it doesn't matter.--  
Legolas: --Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?--  
Thaniel: --Please!--  
Legolas: --Am I right?--  
Thaniel: --Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?--  
Legolas: --No, they'd have to have it on a line.--  
Thaniel: --Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!--  
Legolas: --What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?--  
Thaniel: --Well, why not?--

So that was most of the conversation, but it was time well spent, on Thaniel's part. Legolas, on the other hand, begged to differ. He had other things on his mind besides swallows; he had promised Shawn a maiden, and he was going to get him one before he forgot everything he knew (which was bound to happen considering that whole memory gap thing). And him prime target: Lanfeir, the maiden whom he and Thaniel had both fallen for all those years ago, and whom had tried to kiss him, and whom had dated Thaniel…and didn't seem the best candidate for an already taken human. But, nothing bad would happen! No, Lanfeir was more respectable than that! Legolas hoped…

After his visit with Thaniel that morning, he made his way through the palace and out to the rest of the surrounding realm. Lanfeir lived not far from the palace, being a noble's daughter and all. He took the time to admire the beauty of the forest on his way. He was lucky enough to escape without a guard; then again, Mirkwood was nothing like Gondor or Rohan. There was a freedom in the forest that no Elf could deny. You didn't need protection. The forest protected you. Homes were built around and above the trees. Gardens weren't planted in rows, but allowed to grow of their own accord. And a bee stung Legolas. Stupid bee.

--Might I help you with that wound?-- said a sultry voice. Legolas turned his head to where the voice had come from and realized he had arrived at his destination. There was only one person with that voice and perfect body.

--Lanfeir, how do you do, my lady?-- he said, bowing and kissing her extended hand. She giggled with delight. Oh the giggling. The deafening giggling. Now Legolas realized why he did not want this Elf. Her giggle was obnoxiously loud and trying-to-be-sexy-but-not-really-working. Still grasping his hand, and a quick circumspection to make sure no one was near, she pulled him close to her chest and into a breath-taking hug. Legolas gulped in some air, a little surprised by Lanfeir's sudden obtrusiveness.

--Oh, Legolas, how I miss the days when we would elope after fencing and archery training all those years ago…-- she let out a deep sigh and, if it was possible as it seemed, squeezed him tighter and closer to her now bulging cleavage. Legolas kept his gaze elsewhere – look! A bee! Ouch.

--My Lord! You have been wounded, please, let me assist you!-- WHOA! Hand on the butt region! When did an Elf, an Elf _Noble_ become bloodthirsty like Chloe and Nina??

Legolas finally managed to place his hands on her stomach and gently – as gently as a hot sex god could – push Lanfeir away from him. --My lady! What is wrong with you!?!--

She gave him a sultry smile, and advanced once again towards our sort of young hero who is almost three thousand years old – so for a fangirl to bed him, would it be considered rape or not if they were under eighteen? – and said, --Nothing has ever been wrong with me, my Lord, if one had paid attention when I tried winning you over.--

--So…you've always been like this?-- Legolas was backed against a tree now. Why was it that no one seemed to be around when women pawned over him? And why was it that he had to be such a decent fellow as to not become a sex god?

--Yes, I have.-- Her finger stroked the outline of his jawbone. --Only up until now, I was the one chasing after you…-- She twirled around and walked back towards her looming residence. --What have you come here for, since I assume it was not for my love?--

Legolas took a moment to arrange himself. With all the strength he could muster, he told her of the funny-eyed human who was occupying the castle, who was also all the rage of Mirkwood gossip. When she was told Shawn was from another world, she practically fell head over heels. Another world? Besides Middle Earth?? And there were handsome, funny-eyed, dreamy humans there? Yup, there were indeed. Well, she would just _have_ to meet Shawn now. Just what Legolas wanted! Now he didn't have to tell her how he promised her a maiden.

--So would you like a date with him?-- Legolas asked nonchalantly.

Her eyes beamed at that, but a sudden wave of suspicion dawned on her. Legolas wouldn't offer her a date with his friend. He had nearly died when Thaniel told him they were together. And Thaniel was like Legolas's brother. --What makes you think I want to go on a date with him?--

This caught Legolas off guard. He was sure she'd jump at the chance. --Well, why not? I mean, he's a decent guy! I think you'd like him!--

--And I think there's something you're not telling me…what is it??-- Legolas backed up to a tree again. Fun fun!

--You're silence speaks for itself. Goodbye Prince Legolas.-- She started walking back to her door. Legolas chased after her.

--No! Wait! Please!--

--On one condition: no boundaries. None.--

Legolas couldn't refuse; he had no other maidens to go to…well that wouldn't tell anyone about Shawn. As much of a…what was the English word for it? Slut, yes, slut, that Lanfeir was, she could at least be trusted. And with that, Legolas and Lanfeir shook hands. --Agreed.--

Shawn was having a good dream. One of those dreams where you've woken up, fallen back asleep, and are half awake, half asleep so you know what you're dreaming dreams. And damn, was Nina skilled with the tongue. Ooh, yea, like that, keep going baby! Hey, wait a minute…what was that slurping noise?? Shawn opened his eyes to a familiar scene since his arrival in Middle Earth: Thaniel kneeling at his bed, and of course, sucking his neck. OW! That would definitely leave a hickey. Joy.

_Screw it. Nothing I do will ever change the fate of those with pretty eyes. _And so, even though Shawn knew Thaniel saw he was awake, he just laid there and stared out the window. Thaniel, being a pervert who thrived on the thrashing about of his victims, saw that Shawn had apparently given up and was accepting his fate as Thaniel's play…toy…thing, and Thaniel pouted. But what the hell, he continued to suck on Shawn's neck, just as Legolas walked in.

Gasp! --Thaniel! What are you doing??-- Thaniel gave a quirky smile, then shrugged.

--Nothing I do gets a rise. It's no fun anymore.--

--Well that's good to hear.-- Legolas walked over to the side of Shawn's bed. "Shawn, do you remember our bargain the other day, when I promised you a date with a maiden?"

Shawn sat up as Thaniel took a chair on the other side of the room, teasing Norbert the evil eyed squirrel. What a nice squirrely. "Yep, I remember that. Why?"

"Well, I have found you such a maiden, and have arranged for a meeting between the two of you tonight!" Legolas looked so proud of himself, and Shawn was horrified.

"What do you mean you hooked me up with some chick?!? I have a girlfriend, Legolas!! You actually went out behind my back to get some three thousand and something year old wench to spend the night with me?? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?" _Nina's gonna kill me if she finds out! Shit shit shit shit shit…_

Legolas jumped back at his reaction, "Shawn! I thought it would be okay. Besides, Nina will not find out, and nothing is going to happen. She is a very nice, noble Elf who would not do something you did not want her to do." You keep telling yourself that, Legolas.

"But, I, what if? Maybe? Oh what the hell." Shawn sighed in defeat. "Where are we going?"

"I was thinking the garden outside the palace. It is beautiful this time of year, and there are many creeks that run through it."

"What do creeks have to do with anything?"

"There are bridges."

"And what the hell do bridges have to do with anything?"

"…"

"That's what I thought. Now show me to the kitchen. I need food."

--Thaniel, run! Shawn's going to cook again!!-- And with that, Legolas and Thaniel fled the room, Shawn tailing their wake. Norbert banged his head against the steal bars.

_I have never felt gayer in my entire life._ Shawn was wearing the typical leggings, which felt awfully like stockings that little school girls wear before they discover nylons; the difference between the two baffled Shawn. But he had found some nifty outfits in Legolas's closet when he was getting ready for the date. One of them was decked out with golden lacings around the color, a blue sort of tunic for the body, along with leaf stitching, in gold again, along the arms. And tanish-white leggings/pants of course. Those were the only ones he could fit into. But after deciding that blue was most definitely NOT his color, he saw a spare green long robe thing, sort of what Legolas wore at the Council of Elrond, and decided that that would cover as much of the hideous leggings as possible.

When Shawn asked Legolas where he could take a shower, Legolas replied, "Shower? That hot waterfall in the, what was it called, bathroom, of your home?"

"Yep, that'd be a shower. So where is it?"

"Shawn," said Legolas reproachfully. "We do not have showers in Middle Earth. We have baths. And," with a smile, "we have hot baths in the palace!"

"Great…"

And so Shawn took his first bath since he was seven. He almost wished he had a rubber ducky so he could sing the rubber ducky song that Ernie sings on Sesame Street. _Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath time lots of fun! Rubber ducky, I am very fond of you – ooh, boo boo bee doo._ At least, that was his version of the song. After a shower, and realizing that he couldn't blow dry his hair – it was long! It wasn't his fault he had to blow dry it! – he brushed his hair and put his outfit on. And his boots. Can't forget the boots. Those were cool boots. And the knife that Thaniel had given him. Never go anywhere in Middle Earth without a knife. And Chloe's camera. _Might as well get some pictures while I'm at it.__ For posterity._ He took a few of Legolas and Thaniel together just to make sure it was working. Hooray! It was!

And off on the date we go.

Legolas led Shawn to the outskirts of the garden, where a terrace formed the entrance. Lanfeir was waiting there, as Legolas had told her earlier on, and Thaniel was trailing behind, to keep Legolas company while Legolas made sure nothing bad happened. Thaniel spotted Lanfeir and almost had a heart attack.

--Legolas! What's Shawn doing with Lanfeir!?!--

--…They have a date…Remember when I said I promised him a maiden?-- Man, was everyone getting angry at Legolas these days.

--But she's taken!!--

--WHAT?!?! BY WHO?!?!--

--Shhh! I want to hear this!-- Shawn was about to introduce himself as…himself.

He took Lanfeir's hand and kissed it, "My name is Shawn Star, it's a pleasure to meet you." _Turn on the suave. I am so good at this. No wonder Nina loves me!_

Lanfeir gave a little bow. "Amin Lanfeir, sut naa lle umien?" (I am Lanfeir, how are you doing?)

"Lanfeir? That chick who Legolas and Thaniel sort of scored with??" Lanfeir, hearing Thaniel and Legolas's names, nodded. _Wow, he hooked me up with a skank. Oh well._

He took out his camera. "This is a camera. CAM-ER-A. You take pictures with it like this!" Snap! "And you see it on the screen like this!" Shawn showed Lanfeir the screen.

"Ed' i'ear ar'elenea!" (Wow!)

_Uh huh, well, this date is going to be interesting!_ They entered the secret garden with Thaniel and Legolas right on their tails. The garden was beautiful, full of flowers that Shawn had never seen…then again, Shawn wasn't exactly a florist who knew every single thing. He could point out a rose and some wild flowers, but that was about it. He decided to take some pictures while he was at it. Lanfeir and him began talking on their way around what seemed like a labyrinth of walls of flowers. While neither knew what each other were saying, Shawn thought they were having splendid conversation.

"This flower matches the color of your eyes," said Shawn, placing it behind her Elven ear. Lanfeir smiled seductively at him.

--I will bed you tonight!--

"I'll take that as a thank you…I wish I knew what you were saying to me. This would be much easier."

--One day, we will have five children, and they will all be girls whom we can dote upon.--

"I mean, Chloe was able to translate between me and Legolas, why couldn't he translate for me on a date?"

--The sex will be wonderful every night.--

"It doesn't make any sense. But still, you're a gorgeous lady…Elf…"

--And we can go for walks, naked of course, through the many fields of Mirkwood.--

"And well, hey look! A creek!!" Shawn pointed to the bridge that signified the exit of the flower labyrinth. Legolas and Thaniel were cracking up at the lack of understanding between the human and Elf.

Shawn took Lanfeir's hand and led her to the bridge above the creek. There was a break in the surrounding trees, letting shine the many stars of Middle Earth. No city lights out in the forest, though there were some flickering specks in the castle, not too far away. Shawn supposed there were many candles lit. They stopped when they reached the peak of the bridge. Thaniel and Legolas stood behind a wall of flowers that was still in hearing distance, a very long distance for an Elf.

Thaniel whispered to Legolas, as to not make aware to Lanfeir that they were following the duo. --Should I pants Shawn?--

Legolas suppressed a laugh. --Not yet, let's wait and see what happens…though I bet best arrow that he isn't wearing anything underneath those leggings. Humans are very strange creatures!--

It had been nearly and hour since Shawn had met Lanfeir. She seemed very nice, and very beautiful. _HOT PIECE OF ASS!!_ But he knew that his heart was for one girl only, though his testosterone said otherwise. Damn you testosterone!! Coming to that conclusion, Shawn released Lanfeir's hand and faced her.

"I've had a wonderful night, but I don't think this is going to work out." He paused, and in this chance, Lanfeir grabbed his hand again. _Huh? Hand grabbing? Whatever…I'll just get this done and over with. Then I can find my way back to the palace, go to bed, and figure out in the morning how I can get home, seeing as how Legolas's letter to Gandalf will never arrive._ "For one thing, I have no idea what you're saying, and I don't feel like learning Sindarin. (Nina would make me talk to her on the phone in Elvish – don't really want to.) And I already have a girlfriend. But thank you for joining me this evening…" He had the feeling Lanfeir wasn't listening. She had this weird glint in her eye, and she was slowly coming closer to him, and moving his hand places he _really_ didn't want to go.

"Umm, excuse me? What are you doing??"

"Shhh," she said into his ear. "Dina. Tessa amin." (Be silent. Hold me.)

And all in a moment, she was kissing him and groping wherever she could. Shawn bravely fought, but against a trained Mirkwood warrior, he was no match.

Shawn wasn't the only one gasping for breath when this happened. Both Legolas and Thaniel had jaw dropped and eyes bulging from their faces. Legolas was at a loss for words. Thaniel, on the other hand…

--GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOMAN!-- Thaniel yelled and charged where the two were eloping. He had no idea that Shawn was trying to dismantle himself from Thaniel's now known lover.

--Lanfeir is taken by…Thaniel??-- Legolas said to himself. After a moment's hesitation, he ran after Thaniel.

Shawn saw the pervert that was Thaniel coming before Lanfeir did. He ripped them apart and pushed Lanfeir behind him. She gasped when she saw his enraged form. --You stay away from my lady!--

Legolas was soon to follow and stood in front of Shawn to protect him, since he had no idea what Thaniel was yelling at him about. --Thaniel! He didn't know that Lanfeir was with you! I didn't know either!! You heard what Lanfeir said anyway, she was the one who made the move on Shawn, not Shawn himself! He has a girlfriend back in his world!--

--And you would still set these two up? That's low, Legolas. That's wrong and you know it.--

Thaniel took Lanfeir and headed from the palace grounds, no doubt back to her house. Legolas sighed and began taking Shawn back through the garden.

Shawn wasn't quiet for long. "Legolas, what the hell was all that about?"

It took Legolas a second to work up the courage to tell Shawn. "That was Thaniel's lover. I did not know they were still seeing each other."

"WHAT?!?! You set me, who has a girlfriend, up with a girl who is already taken?!?"

Legolas spun around on Shawn. "I did not know! And you decided to go out with a girl, and then to go out with _this_ girl. So do not put all the blame on me!"

"LEGOLAS YOU NEVER SAID IT WAS LANFEIR!" Shouted Shawn, who stalked away, determined to find his own way back. Legolas held his rage in. It was mostly his fault, and now two people who he cared for, one for his entire life, and one for about a month, were angry at him. What a fine mess he put himself in.

Unbeknown to any of our heroes, a certain black squirrel was watching from the window of Shawn's room. The despondent Legolas headed back towards the foyer to head in for the night, currently friendless. He squeaked his pleasure, and glared his eyes at Legolas.

"Excellent."

tbc…

**Responses to Reviews:**

WeasleyTwinsLover1112: Malfoy is going to be a great actor, I think. A hott one too. Yes, hot with two t's. And we're close in age, WOO!! I wonder if he's taken?

Nina: Yeaaa, Norbert talks. He is a cute little bugger. I love that word – bugger. Anyway, yea, and doughnuts are like, the male thing to eat, well at least for people who drink coffee. I don't like coffee. But I like doughnuts. Do you like doughnuts? lol

Lolly: Thaniel likes girls too, as shown by this chapter. I like imagining him sweaty too :P This squirrel is Sauron, huh? MY LIPS ARE SEALED! And, you want to get raped by…Shawn?? Why the hell not. I guess I can loan him to you, on Wednesdays!

Das Blume: For a bucket of chicken wings about now, Shawn would do the YMCA in the sexy suspenders in front of Thaniel. OooO Black squirrelys! I want one as a pet. They'd be so cool, climbing everywhere…pooping everywhere…nevermind. Running around crying "BRING ELVEN ROPE" would increase the tourism to watching you running around screaming "BRING ELVEN ROPE." I don't think many people would come for the squirrels as they would a crazy person running around.

Kitten: Oh no, another one that thinks Norbert is Sauron. MY LIPS ARE SEALED! And Thaniel's not evil. Evil in his own perverted ways, yes, but not like, take over the world evil.

lolly pop3: You were eating an apple when you read this? Apples are good. But why not try the doughnut? Join Nina in our doughnut eating escapade! (Nina the reviewer, not Nina the character!) :P

Lily of the Shadow: Norbert's becoming the favorite character of a lot of people. I can't blame them. Soft, evil, cuddly things often become the stars of the show.

tehehehe: Norbert sort of just…evolved from long deliberation of either a squirrel or a spider. I hate spiders, so squirrel it was! Well, Shawn's went ON a date with someone else, does that count as dating? Thanks for the review! Yours made me get off my lazy ass!!

Sorry this took so long guys! Summer reading, boyfriend, being lazy in general add up to a lack of updates. But I want to finish this fic by…the end of September the latest. Two more chapters to go! Yay! Leave some loving and updating comes quicker!! :)


	10. Many Partings

I'm finishing this for once and for all, even though I believe the fic itself is pretty horrible prior to all this. But at least it will be done. Thanks to all who reviewed and tried to get me to finish it. I now present to you the last chapter of "Return to Middle Earth." Enjoy.

Return to Middle Earth

Kayo

Chapter X: Many Partings

Shawn and Legolas were not on talking terms. Ever since last night Shawn had avoided Legolas, as had Thaniel. Thaniel was pissed at Legolas for the entire incident. Legolas was known for his stupid antics, but nothing he had ever done involved his girl! It didn't matter that Legolas didn't know about them; he shouldn't have hooked Shawn up with a woman anyways; Shawn had his own woman! The only thing that concerned Thaniel were all the things that Lanfeir had said to Shawn…Did she mean it when she said she wanted to have his children? And walk around naked through Mirkwood? That was Thaniel's dream! Thaniel wasn't sure if Lanfeir was just playing around with Shawn, as Thaniel had also played around with Shawn. (They were both known to toy with many Elves around the kingdom.) But the kiss seemed too far. Sure, Thaniel had sucked Shawn's neck, but that was just to annoy him…seriously! It was a confusing time for Thaniel.

Things didn't get better when he met Legolas in the hallway.

--Greetings! My friend…uhm…-- Thaniel walked straight past Legolas.

--I have nothing to say to you, _your highness_. So if you don't mind, I would like to retire to my own chambers outside the palace walls.-- Legolas winced at the cordiality of Thaniel's voice. This was the first time Thaniel had been really really upset with him in a long time.

--Thaniel, as your prince, I must insist that you halt,--Thaniel kept walking.

--Stop!--He turned the corner.

--Please…-- And was gone.

Legolas resigned himself to a slouch against the wall. He hadn't meant to turn everyone against him. The bad thing was his father was starting to suspect something had happened yesterday. Well, it went more along the lines of Silmaril noticed Thaniel in a huffy mood, then noticed the strange-eyed human punching a pillow in his own room, and Legolas not speaking to anyone. Silence gave away everything in the palace of Mirkwood. Legolas remembered the days where he and Silmaril streaked down the hallways when the servants attempted to give them baths, only for them to climb to the tallest trees of the garden. Or the nights where he had a bad dream and he ran to Silmaril's room for protection, and they talked through the night or played a game. It all changed when she decided to become a healer. She went off to Lorien for some time, and Legolas began his training to become a warrior. He and Silmaril never became very close after that; Legolas had moved on to Thaniel. And now Thaniel had disowned him.

Being a prince sucked.

There was still Shawn. Legolas decided he might as well make an attempt at winning Shawn over again. Best place to start would be his room. Legolas rounded about the halls until he came to where Shawn was residing. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. Thinking that perhaps Shawn knew that he was trying to make up for all the horrible instances that had happed these couple days, Legolas slowly opened the door anyway. He peered into the room, expecting to find Shawn, but was met with only Norbert the red eyed squirrel. Legolas sighed and was about to close the door when he heard a voice saying: --Come back.-- Legolas thought it might be Shawn hiding somewhere in the room, not noticing that the voice had spoken Sindarin. Then again, the past few days Legolas sometimes didn't know when he was speaking English.

--Close the door.-- Legolas uncontrollably followed the directions of the voice. Perhaps Shawn wanted to talk in private, no doubt because they didn't want to entire kingdom to know of their horrible drama. Soon Legolas came to realize the voice didn't sound at all like Shawn. In fact, he didn't detect the presence of a human in the room at all (humans being loud and all). The only living thing in the room was the squirrel, and squirrels couldn't talk…

A dark voice began speaking in a hideous language that Legolas did not understand, but meaning began to rise in the pitches of words. Legolas felt that hot feeling rise in him again. A giant eye appeared within his mind and enveloped his being.

--You cannot hide. There is no light in the void, only death.--

Legolas remembered no more.

Shawn wasn't in his room. Not at all. In fact, he wasn't in the palace. Auberlin was excited when Shawn had wanted to leave to go for a walk and explore the rest of the kingdom surrounding the palace. He was still a bit mad at Legolas for the previous night. What a disaster. _What was I thinking anyway? Agreeing to a date…I should've just kicked Legolas in the knee._ Shawn was starting to understand that part of the blame was on himself. Maybe he shouldn't be as angry with Legolas as he had been last night. All that he could do now though was cool down enough to come to his senses and them maybe work things out with Legolas and Thaniel.

Shawn continued to walk through the many winding trails through the town surrounding the palace. He soon found himself in the center, many elves staring at him. Of course gossip had spread about the exotic human who had arrived with Legolas. But none could believe that this human was the cause of all the commotion in the palace. In fact, all the elves began walking closer to Shawn as he was looking at the vendors in the street. Shawn noticed the attention, and being the pompous flirt he could be at times, strutted more. Until they began to really stare at him. It was as if they wanted to play with his eyelids.

_Time to slowly back away,_ thought Shawn. Luckily for him, just as the elves were about to start their examination of Shawn, Thaniel arrived on the scene.

--Leave him alone! Prince Legolas has asked me to escort this human back to the palace, and anyone who gets in my way will have to answer to him or the king,-- shouted Thaniel to the crowd. They settled back to their respective places and Thaniel motioned for Shawn to follow.

Of course Thaniel had been lying. Thaniel, better liar than Legolas. Shawn thanked Thaniel for rescuing him, which even though the language barrier existed, the meaning endured the conversation. As they walked back to the palace, Shawn came to realize they had to apologize to Legolas for overreacting. Thaniel had come to his wits and remind himself that he had the opportunity at all times to stop the date yesterday from the very beginning. But a good laugh wasn't worth the aggravation they all went through. Not at all for Legolas, who was only trying to make up to Shawn everything Thaniel had done to him.

And so together Shawn and Thaniel reentered the palace, much to Auberlin's dismay, and began their search for Legolas. They searched through the palace, even Legolas' room, where Shawn found the Lord of the Rings novel sitting on Legolas' nightstand, a bookmark several pages in from where it was yesterday. This made Shawn feel awful. Despite the fact Shawn had yelled at Legolas yesterday, he was still trying to remember everything that Shawn was trying to tell him. And Legolas couldn't even read that well. Shawn glanced at what part Legolas was at. He had begun "Concerning Hobbits." Well at least now he would know what kind of creatures Merry and Pippin were.

Thaniel and Shawn continued their search down the hall and to the infirmary part of the palace. Maybe Legolas had gone to one of their rooms to look for them. Thaniel's room was devoid of people, except for Silmaril, who had a good scolding for the two of them. Thaniel's wounds were still healing, and Shawn's stitches had to come out soon, though Shawn had no idea what was going on. Thaniel promised Silmaril they would do this tonight, after dinner, so that they might sleep the pain off after getting their stitches removed. Silmaril only huffed away; the healer in her did not like the patient telling her what to do. But they could suffer all they wanted if they were going to go gallivanting all over the palace.

Next was Shawn's room. And this is where they found Legolas.

--Legolas, are you alright?-- asked Thaniel. Legolas was standing in the center of the room, not facing the doorway, but instead facing the table where Norbert's cage rested. He was fiddling with the doorknob on the cage. Only when it was loosed and the squirrel ran out did Legolas look behind him. Thaniel and Shawn realized a change in Legolas. His eyes seemed cloudy, watery even. His stance seemed wild, as if to pounce at any time. This is what he seemed to Thaniel. To Shawn, he looked like a zombie.

--Now, my minion! Kill them!-- shouted Norbert in that tongue that burned the air waves that carried its voice.

"The squirrel can talk?" balked Shawn as Legolas lunged for both Thaniel and Shawn. He drew his Elven Blades of Doom at them, and Thaniel stared at Legolas in fear.

--Legolas? What are you doing? Don't you recognize me?-- asked Thaniel, quickly dodging the swipes at his body. They worked their way around the room, with Shawn standing at the doorway watching in a trance. A black spot darted in his peripheral vision, and he noticed Norbert the squirrel searching through Chloe's bag. Not only could the squirrel talk, he was searching for something too. All of the sudden he heard it shout in an aggravated voice, --Where is the Ring?--

Shawn's heart almost stopped. The Ring? The Ring was with Frodo. He was somewhere North of Mordor. But Middle Earth is a magical land, and not all things are what they appear. Frodo also was a bookmark. And a certain ring was tasseled to the end. And that was in Legolas' room!

Legolas now pushed Thaniel with all his might into Shawn. This wasn't hard, considering Thaniel was still injured. They landed in a pile on the floor outside the doorway, Legolas approaching. His knives were waiting to strike something. He began to lift them up and end one of their lives when Thaniel quickly reached for his boot and took out his hidden dagger. He blocked Legolas' blow and jumped up. Shawn was soon to his feet as well, and saw Norbert darting out of the room toward Legolas' room.

"Rhyyn teil," (Chase him!) shouted Thaniel and pointed at the squirrel. Shawn understood the gesture and took out his own dagger Thaniel had given to him.

Thaniel turned back to Legolas and had just enough time to parry and dodge a series of attacks that no orc or spider could. --Legolas, stop! You must be under a spell from that squirrel! Wake up! It is I, Thaniel. Your best friend! There is no need to fight!-- But no words pierced Legolas' ears. In fact, Legolas didn't even know he was fighting Thaniel. He had the feeling of burning somewhere deep in his mind and was concentrating on that alone. He had no sight, no hearing, no touching. Only the burning and the great eye watching him.

Down the hallway, Shawn was gaining on Norbert. Squirrels were fast. But Shawn was running with all his might. He didn't know why Legolas was freaking out, but he had a feeling it was because of this squirrel. He had a bad feeling about the squirrel from the start. Maybe he should kill it. That seemed like the only good idea at the time. And so he chased it.

Unfortunately, the squirrel made it first to Legolas' room. Chance would have it that the door was just open enough for a small rodent to fit through. Shawn burst through the door and saw the squirrel trying to make its way up the bed towards the book. Shawn saw the ring at the end of the bookmark glowing. _Oh shit…_He lunged for the book and managed to grab it before Norbert made it to the nightstand. Shawn took the bookmark from the book and through the book at the squirrel. It burnt in the air before it reached him.

--Give me the Ring,-- said the dark voice. Shawn slowly tried to back away. The door slammed behind him. The squirrel's eyes began to glow a deeper read than before, and the shape of a black streak surrounded by flame appeared in them.

"Sauron…" Shawn whispered to himself. Again. They had sent Sauron back into Middle Earth only to have to deal with him again. And not in a canon way! Shawn looked around for something that could help him. Absolutely nothing. Legolas had all his weapons with him. And he was trying to kill Thaniel.

--Give me the Ring!-- Sauron shouted again and dived toward Shawn. He turned his back to the squirrel in an attempt to keep the Ring out of his reach. But he never felt the squirrel connect. In fact, he heard a loud snap sound and turned around to see the most amazing sight of all.

A hawk had bitten off Sauron the squirrel's head.

Shawn was so not prepared to see this he let out a laugh. The hawk shrieked at him and flew to the window. Through the shadows of the curtains stood a figure, where the hawk perched. Shawn looked at the squirrel on the ground. All light was gone from its eyes. He was in shock almost. The most evil creature in Middle Earth, killed by a hawk. Shawn only gazed at the squirrel for a while, and then looked at the Ring again. It wasn't glowing anymore.

"I'd hoped you'd notice that before," said the figure in the window. Shawn's attention went back towards the man. He worked his way around the room until he was finally able to distinguish a face, and he let out a scream that the entire palace heard.

A few moments earlier, before the death of the squirrel, Legolas and Thaniel were still fighting. Legolas chucked his knife at Thaniel, who deflected it out of his way. This gave Legolas enough time to deliver a blow. Thaniel felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. And not the good one. Legolas had just cut into Thaniel's wound from the spider. Thaniel let out a sharp gasp and dropped to the floor. The stitches had all opened and were bleeding freely. Legolas smiled at his prey.

--Legolas, you must not do this. WAKE UP!-- begged Thaniel.

"Kwivra!" The word rang into Legolas. He didn't know it, but at the same time, the great eye began to flicker. It looked back and forth, almost worried, before it flashed out of existence, and Legolas was freed from the spell. Legolas felt the burning heat leave and felt his vision come back. He felt so tired, like he had just been training his sword practice. He looked down and saw his knife in his hand, and Thaniel clutching his shoulder. His knife had blood on it.

--Thaniel! Are you okay! Did I do this to you? What happened? I am so sorry! Let me help you!--

Thaniel was so relieved and shaken that he almost cried. Legolas woke up. The Prince finally did what he said! Legolas tore off the end of his tunic and wrapped it around Thaniel's shoulder. The bleeding was not heavy nor life-threatening, but Silmaril would have a fit.

--The squirrel had you under a trance, Legolas. I fear Shawn may be in peril as well,-- said Thaniel when he was finally standing again. That was when they heard Shawn's scream. They looked at each other and began to run down the hall to Legolas' room. The servants and other inhabitants had finally gotten around to hearing all the commotion in the hallway from Thaniel and Legolas' fight, and hearing Shawn's scream. When Legolas and Thaniel arrived at his room, many elves were standing at the doorway, peering into an interesting scene.

Legolas and Thaniel knew then that Shawn must be seriously hurt. The servants always only stared at Shawn. They pushed their way through but found Shawn not in a state of agony. Actually, he was hugging another man. Thaniel almost felt a blow of jealousy.

--What does this mean?-- he shouted as he and Legolas entered the room. They saw the bloody carcass of the black squirrel and a hawk nibbling at it. Legolas recognized the hawk.

--Mirky?--

Shawn had released the embrace with the other man. He had a deep hood covering his face and a staff in his right hand. Legolas at once thought of the letter he sent and asked quizzically, "Mithrandir?"

The man chuckled and said, --No, not Mithrandir.-- He spread open the cloak and lifted the hood back. The first thing Legolas and Thaniel noticed was the odd color and shape of his hair: Orange tips fading to blonde, and short all around. And then it hit Legolas,

"Jared! What are you doing here with Mirky?"

He only smiled. "Let's just say that we chanced upon each other. Now if you'll be kind enough to bring us somewhere where we might all be able to speak without many ears listening," the elves around the door blushed and slowly dissipated.

"Yes, of course, we can go to the meeting chambers of my father."

The group traveled to the chamber and luckily the king and Silmaril hadn't found out about the commotion yet. That gave the group little time to discuss the things that needed discussion.

At once they were all seated around a table and Legolas noticed the ring that Shawn still held in his hand. The fellowship hit him like a ton of bricks, as well as the plight of Middle Earth, Merry and Pippin, and the fate of the One Ring. Thaniel looked upon the ring in wonder. He did not know if it was the real One Ring. There had been rumors around Mirkwood after Gollom's capture and residence in Mirkwood.

"Jared, how is it that we only remember these things now? Why couldn't we remember after Shawn and I arrived in Mirkwood?" asked Legolas. Jared began a long explanation.

"The black squirrel named Norbert was actually Sauron in disguise after we banished him from Shawn's world. After he arrived, he knew that you, Legolas, would soon be sent back as well, and attempted to separate you from the Fellowship by fogging the minds of all the inhabitants of Mirkwood. The realm of Mirkwood has been under an amnesic period for the past several days since his and your return. Only now that he is dead is the spell broken and Sauron's soul returned to Mordor."

Shawn piped in, "But why was Sauron after a fake ring? I mean, it's just plastic."

"Of course it's just plastic, but that doesn't mean it's not magical. I figured Sauron would try something when Legolas returned, and I knew that you would be returning with him for a short period. Istari after all have inklings about these things. I decided to put a spell on the ring that would seem like the calling of the One Ring that Frodo now possesses. Sauron followed the calling after putting the spell on Mirkwood, and so it was impossible to detect the true One Ring so close to Minis Morgul.

Seriously, Frodo is trying to climb those stairs and not one orc or Nazgul feels the presence of the Ring in the movie? I don't thing so. This was the only distraction that I could come up with in order to save Frodo from death."

Shawn was so confused. So was Thaniel. But Thaniel didn't understand English, so it was okay for him. "But how can the story be going on right now? I don't understand."

"There are many things in Middle Earth that normal humans from your world are not meant to understand, Shawn. This is just one of those crazy instances."

Legolas now had a question for Jared. "But if I am here, then who is with Aragorn and Gimli? Is there another me?"

Jared just shifted his eyes and said nothing more. There was a moment of silence as they all absorbed the information, and Legolas translated it all for Thaniel. Shawn tried putting the ring on and off, and though for all those days it was a fake magical ring Sauron was following, it still didn't turn Shawn invisible. _Can't spy on Nina now…_

Jared cleared his voice. "Legolas, it is time for you to continue your quest. There is a way for me to send you back to the plains of Rohan in your search of Merry and Pippin. Do not be troubled. This entire coincidence will be erased so that you may be able to continue without worrying about the rest of Mirkwood after this instance or about Shawn. Actually, all of this will be forgotten by Mirkwood. But if this is to be, we must do it soon. My power dwindles, and Shawn and I must return home."

Shawn looked at Jared. He was an Istari, he belonged in Middle Earth with the rest of the wizards. Couldn't he help Gandalf? Legolas agreed to the conditions and they all began exiting the meeting chamber and head for the garden, where all the magic would go down. On the way out, Shawn asked Jared why he was going back to Edison.

"I'm not right for this world…I'd fuck it up too much." They both laughed.

Outside the palace in the garden, Legolas and Thaniel were saying their goodbye. Jared was already chanting a spell that was erasing the memory of Legolas returning for the past couple days and of Shawn. All the elves would remember were their daily lives and that Legolas was away at Elrond's for the journey of the Fellowship. Shawn asked what to do with the fake One Ring.

"You cannot offer me this Ring, Shawn!"

"But I give it too you freely."

"Oh I just can't wait to be king," sang Jared.

"Treacherous as the sea."

"Can you sail under the command of a pirate or not?"

"You're the Dread Pirate Roberts!"

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries."

"Okay you got me," said Shawn defeated.

"Score one: Istari. Alright everyone, let's get this show on the road!"

Shawn woke up to his alarm going off. It was nearly ten in the morning. He felt sore all over, as if he had been exercising all day yesterday. He felt for the wound on his stomach and felt - nothing. His eyes darted open and he searched his body for clues. He was wearing his pajamas, his room was clean. No sign of anything out of the ordinary. Was Middle Earth all a dream? He rushed out of bed and found Megan watching her Saturday morning cartoons.

"What do you think about Legolas?" he asked his little sister. "How was his visit the other day?"

"What are you talking about? I'm watching Powerpuff Girls. Shhh!"

_Megan doesn't remember…what's going on?_ He ran back to his room. He noticed something bright pink in his room. Chloe's bag! He reached in and found everything there as it was the very first time he looked inside it when he was lost in Mirkwood that first day. The fake One Ring was even perfectly tasseled to the Frodo bookmark. What was going on. All of the sudden there were many people talking downstairs.

"Hey Shawn, get your ass down here!" yelled Jared.

"Hey! Little ears!" Shawn heard Nina scold Jared. Jared would remember everything! He had to, he was an Istari! He ran downstairs and into a conversation about Return of the King and how glorious it was and how they want to watch it now. But Megan won't let them until the end of the show. Nina spotted Shawn and gives him a peck on the cheek.

"My poor baby, you caught that cold from Nina and were so sick these past couple days. But don't worry. Legolas will cheer you up!"

"You remember all about Legolas? He was here for like two weeks! And you and Chloe tried to rape him every night! And then I went to Middle Earth. And…" he noticed Nina was looking at him funny.

"Are you okay? Did you have delusional dreams? I hear those are really realistic and fun. I wish I could have a fever and hallucinate."

Shawn sat on the couch in dismay. Jared sat down next to him as Megan's show ended and Nina was popping the movie in. Chloe screams.

"Shawn! YOU had my bag! I've been looking for this everywhere!"

Shawn didn't care at this point. He was so frustrated. Was it all a dream? It couldn't be. It was too real. And he didn't remember being sick. This was all a big mistake. He was just waiting for Jared to say "just kidding!" and for everyone to start laughing at him for being so gullible. But none of that came.

Chloe handed him a piece of paper. "You're name on it, not mine. Probably one of Nina's notes to you I'm supposed to pass on."

Shawn undid the tape and started reading the letter. It definitely wasn't from Nina. It went:

Shawn-

Fangirls are crazy. So I've erased everyone's minds here on Earth too. As well as my own. I want to live out my life here as an ordinary person. I'm letting the Istari life go. Not that I'm not insanely powerful. I just enjoy this world too much for magic to get in the way.

It's probably really hard for you to cope with this right now, with everyone not believing your story. Hell, ask me right now, I'm probably near you anyway, just ask me about Legolas. You'll get the same response as everyone else. That's right. No one remembers a thing. So I know this is hard to deal with, so I'll make a deal with you. The memory card from Chloe's camera is under your mattress. I'll let you do with that as you will. If you want, I can still erase your mind if you say certain words to me. Don't mind who's around, it'll all work. Just say "Thaniel felt me up three times."

The choice is yours.

-Jared

Shawn looked at Jared who was all pumped for all the fight scenes that would be ensuing very soon. He looked at Nina and Chloe, who were soon to be swooning over Legolas at the end of the movie with his tiara on. Shawn just smiled at his Lord of the Rings obsessed friends.

And he lived happily ever after, till the end of his days.

The End.

Thanks to all the reviewers who followed this story from the very beginning. I hope you enjoyed this journey and maybe we'll meet in another fic sometime in the future! Thanks again!


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